Brutal Legend Land Of Metal
by spike1970
Summary: Fanfic adoption on the game's main story. Eddie Riggs, greatest roadie in the biz, is magically transported to a fantastic world where the humans are suffering under the evil of the Tainted Coil, and their traitorous general Lionwhyte. Time to start a heavy metal revolution. Rated M.
1. Welcome To The Land Of Metal

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Brütal Legend, That's the Property of Tim Schafer and Double Fine. **_

* * *

_**BRÜTAL LEGEND: LAND OF METAL**_

_**Part 1. Welcome To The Land Of Metal**_

* * *

_**(The Realm of the Gods, Panem)**_

_**(Kabbage Boy backstage)**_

_**(Eddie's point of view)**_

_...He was the chosen one..._

_...Code of honor ruled in his life..._

_...Shining axe was his sign..._

_...With sword held high! Gloves of metal..._

_...Didn't die by the blade..._

_...A treachery of Mother Earth..._

_...Took him away tonight..._

I was adjusting the strings on the newly rebuilt Clementine. Just then, the Kabbage boy band-members show up.

"Ha ha! Watch it, dude! Check it!" Raz chortled as he approached. Then he turns around and notices me. "Oh! Hey, Riggs! Um… Sorry I smashed your guitar in the last concert." He starts to laugh when "What the…?" I suddenly showed them the now repaired Clementine.

"It's like new." Sid declared.

"Woah! How did you do that?" Raz asked, then took Clementine from my hand. I then just lit up my cigarette. "Yeah, I'll Try not to smash it up so much this time!" Raz taunted.

"Don't mess with that guy, Raz..." Paul warns. "He scares me." They head out to the stage, the fans start to cheer. I knew that Paul isn't really afraid of me, of course, but Paul is the only band member to respect me and the boys….

...Which is more than one can say about the lead singer, Erik Faust, who walked up to me, tapping away on his I-Pod. "Hey, Eddie, man, I hate to ask, but our manager wanted to know...When are you going to build us, like, a NEW set?" He asked. "This Stonehenge stuff you've been building since Tokyo was funny in a kind of ironic, retro sort of way, but..." He paused to check his replies on his I-pod. Then he continued to lecture me.

"Look, Eddie, don't get me wrong. You're the best, okay? The greatest roadie in the biz. Everybody knows you can fix anything, build anything…" 'Cept your music. He checked his tweets again.

"...So maybe you can go back to building us something that would speak more to our 'tween' demographic." He does quotation gestures on the word tween. I just grimace.

"… Is all I'm saying. Sooner or later you're going to have to join the modern world, you know?" He snaps his I-Pod shut, gives his hair a quick sweep and runs, girlishly, onto the stage.

I could hear the thunderous cheers as I stood up.

On the stage, Erik takes the microphone. "Alright! Do you people want to hear some Heavy Metal?" Erik shouts into the microphone. The crowd of tweenagers cheer in response. "HIT IT!"

The kick off the concert with Raz strumming on Clementine. Sid banging on the drums. Paul following up on the bass guitar. For a moment, I was actually enjoying this. For a moment Kabbage boy actually sounds like a… Heavy Metal band. But then...

"Ooooooooooo..." Erik sings into the microphone in a high, girly voice, and Reggie starts working the record players, ruining the moment.

_"Girlfriend, you really wanna make my heart bend_

_You know you'll always be my best friend_

_And what I'm saying to you, I can't pretend_

_'Cause I'm turning inside out"_

Ugh… I just facepalmed in dismay. Then Ralph walked up besides me. "I can fix anything, expect THAT." I said to him.

"...sigh… Metal is dead." Ralph sighed. I also sighed and took a drag from my cigarette.

_"You're so fine, all mine_

_Ill treat you,_

_Like a porcupine (Say what?) "_

"Ever feel like you were born in the wrong time, Ralph?" I asked. "Like you should have been born earlier. When the music was...real?"

"Like...the Seventies…?" Ralph asked.

I shook my head. "Earlier, Ralph...Like the early Seventies."

_"Sneak out your house_

_Let me take you for a long drive_

_Let me climb your tree_

_Put my finger in your beehive_

_The stinger gets stung_

_We're not too young_

_Got something I wanna show you_

_On the tip of my tongue "_

Just then Ralph looks up. "Uh oh." And notices Raz way up on top of the stage dancing away on one of the prongs.

I don't believe this! Again!? "I TOLD YOU NOT TO CLIMB ON THAT, YOU STUPID MOTHER FUCKIN' PIECE OF SHIT!" I angrily yelled at Raz.

Then suddenly the prong suddenly bends, causing Raz to slip off. And now he's hanging on for dear life with on hand on the prong, and one hand still on Clementine. And the hand on the prong was slipping.

"Please let him fall this time..." Ralph implored. "...And just save the guitar."

"Damn it!" I exclaimed and dashed onto the stage. As I ran out, he remembers the words my dad told him about being a roadie.

**..Son, A good roadie knows his whole job is to make someone else look good.**

**keep someone else safe.**

**Help someone else do what they were put here to do.**

Raz looked down at the stage he was about to plummet into...

**A good roadie stays out of the spotlight.**

… And dropped Clementine, but I managed to catch her her and placed her on the teeth of the statue.

**If he's doing his job right, you don't even know he's there.**

Raz loses his grip, and plummeted to what could be his certain death...

**Once in a while he might step on stage just to fix a problem, to set something right.**

...But I caught him just in time, and let him down. I'll chew him out later.

**But then before you even realize he was there or what he did...he's gone.…**

But just as I backed into the shadows, hear a heavy creaking noise, followed by a large chunk of the stage coming down…RIGHT ON TOP OF ME! "Oooh..." I moaned as I felt the heavy piece of debris slowly crush me. Can't breath… Think my ribs are busted. No doubt about it...I'm a goner… Before everything goes black, I just barely noticed the blood dripping from my band… and onto the belt buckle. Then I noticed the belt buckle started to glow blue… and start growling…?

_**(Standard point of view)**_

The blood that was emerging from the statue was forming a large puddle next to where Edward was pinned. At first it was red, then it glowed orange. Suddenly beams of light shot fourth from the puddle and from it, emerges a monstrous beast with four arms, its back covered in pipes resembling quills, a mouth full of large sharp teeth and spiraling tusks, its eyes glowed bright red, and it appeared to be made of gleaning chrome-steel.

Behold! The spirit of the fire beast! Destroyer of the ancient worlds! Cremator of the skies!

_*****ORMAGÖDEN!*****_

As he emerged, he shrugs off the collapsed portion of the stage as if it weighted nothing, thumped onto the stage and let out a mighty earth-shaking... _***RRRRROOOOOAAAAARRRRR***_..., flames spewing forth from its mouth. Then he looked down at the prone and semiconscious form of Eddie sniff him and then looked up at the four Kabbage boy band members.

Paul scrambles off the stage and into the crowd right before a wall of fire appears surround the stage. You'd almost think that Ormagöden was...sparing him and allowing him to escape. Erik, Raz and Reggie, however, just stood there and gawk at Ormagöden like idiots.

Ormagöden points his finger at the semiconscious Eddie, then he faces the three gawking band members and let out another... _***RRRRROOOOOAAAAARRRRR***_… So awesome was his roar that Erik, Raz and Reggie couldn't handle it and their heads popped clean off their shoulders.

Next thing you know, Ormagöden turned his attention to the drum podium and Sid, who now had his drumsticks held out in the form of a cross, shaking in terror, and soiling his pants. Ormagöden just punched Sid out of existence.

Then Ormagöden sweeps the podium clean of the smashed drum-kit(and pulped Sid) with his gigantic hand, and gingerly places Eddie on it.

Then Ormagöden jumped back to the centre of the stage, landing with a mighty thud. He let out his most awesomest roar ever, Flames shooting from his mouth as well as from the pipes/quills that festooned his back. Then everything suddenly turned blinding white, then pitch black, lit only by his glowing eyes…

* * *

_**(?)**_

_**(Eddie's point of view)**_

_...Prince, of darkness, where is your blade!?..._

My vision begins to clear. The first thing I noticed that he wasn't in any pain. "Huh!?" I gasped. I can breathe again.

Then I looked around. I noticed that I'm… Not exactly in Panem anymore. "Woooah." I sat up, took a quick checked myself over and noticed that I appeared to be perfectly healed. Then I continued to examine my new surroundings, and noticed. "HUNH!?" What appear to be three priests, dressed in blood red robes praying to a large double bladed axe.

"The day has finally come to serve our master." One of the priests said.

I stood up and jumps down from the podium. "Uh hey...heh heh heh… Hey I'm not your master." I said to the three priests, shrugging.

One of the priests stood up, showing off his demonic looking chin and a mouth full of sharp jagged teeth. "No you are NOT!" He menacingly said, unsheathing a wicked looking undulating sword. The other two priests also do the same. They slowly approach me, chanting in an unknown language… I'm not liking what those three dudes have in mind for me...

I nervously started to back away the three druids. "But uh yeah...I, uh… I totally know the Master… We're really good friends." I tried to lie. "… Known each other from kindergarten..."

The three druids ascend up the stairs and surrounded me.

"...And, uh...If anything were to happen to me, he'd be super pissed."

One of the druids prepares to attack.

"Stay the fuck away from me with that thing..." I warned. "HEY!" And I had to duck under a swing that would've taken my head off.

"Silence." The druid replied as he swung his sword.

I backed away from him. "In fact, he sent me here." I continued to bargain as I ran down the stairs to the main floor.

"Speak not of the Emperor." Another druid replied as he tried to stab me, only to miss.

I ran down another set of stairs, trying to keep my distance from the three red demonic crazy-ass druids that are clearly determined to turn me into a human sacrifice. "And yeah, he told me to come out here and tell you guys you were doing a great job, and totally take the rest of the day off!" I continued to run away. "I just don't want to get you guys in trouble! You know. With the Master!" And I went back up the stairs leading to the top of the altar.

The three druids chased me up the altar and try, several times to turn me into sliced cold-cuts. That's when I saw this axe on the main floor.

"Aw fuck this!" I jumped over the candles, landing back on the main altar floor. "I'm getting me a weapon!" I immediately grabbed that axe by the handle and wrenched it loose from the stone floor.

Lightning surges throughout the temple as I triumphantly lifts my new weapon high. "YEAH-HEH-HEH!" I shouted as adrenaline coursed through my body like lightning.

_**...THE SEPARATOR…**_

_**...Touch not this awesome axe, or suffer the wrath of the Tainted Coil!…**_

_**...Oh wait, you're already suffering their wrath…**_

_**...Then go ahead and touch this awesome axe,…**_

…_**AND GO FUCKING BATSHIT CRAZY!…**_

_**(BGM; Children Of The Grave by Black Sabbath)**_

"How dare you lay your filthy hands on our most sacred of weapons!?" One of the druids lunged at me. "Feel our sacred blades!"

...Only to be suddenly chopped in two by a downward swing by yours truly. Blood, guts, and whatever that druid last ate go flying all over the place. Man, what a mess.

"Fill your mind with peace." Another druid charged, sword held high for an overhead swing.

But I blocked the blow with the handle, kicked the druid in the stomach and separated his thorax from his abdomen with a lateral swing of the Separator.

Hey, hold on... where's the third?

There he is. He's still back up top of the altar. And it looked like he's trying to pick up something… That was shocking him every time he touches it, as if it was...rejecting him.

I ran back up the altar to see what that druid was trying to pick up. That's when I saw what it was he was trying to grab… "HEY! GET AWAY FROM THAT GUITAR!" I punched the druid away. "I just tuned that thing."

Man, I couldn't believe my eyes. Somehow, Clementine, my custom built Gibson Flying V electric guitar, had appeared on the altar right next to where I woke up just moments before. I picked her up and strums the strings a few times to check to see if she was in tune.

Not only was she still in tune, I suddenly discovered that she can now summon lightning… That electrocuted the third druid just as he was about to pick up his sword… And rendered the screaming druid into a pile of smoking ash.

"Cool." I said, looking at the results.

_**...CLEMENTINE…**_

_**...A humble guitar back home, but here, the power of her rock seems to be amplified by the world itself…**_

_**...One wonders if it has anything to do with the wood that Eddie recently repaired her with...**_

Suddenly I learned I can not only cast lightning at my foes, but set 'em on fire as well. Not to mention that I suddenly knew some new and interesting combat moves.

Just then, a group of those demonic red druids file through the entrance. "_Might as well break in those new moves I just learned._" I thought as I jumped down to the main floor and readied for battle. "Come at me, you motherfuckers!" I sneered at the approaching druids.

I charged at the druids and, using the "POWERSLIDE!", knocks them all over the place like a bunch of bowling pins. "Yeah! Take that!" I shouted as the nearest druids erupt into flames. "How d'ya like the flavor!?"

I used Clementine to electrocute two more druids "SHOCKER!"

And set another two on fire "PYRO!"

Then I slashed at another druid a few times before striking him with an explosive kick that sends him flying into a nearby spike, impaling him. "ROCK KICK!" I declared(So that's what that move's called). "Just like in Berlin!" Recalling my little fight with that Rapeman jerk.

I mauled and mangled the remaining druids with axe, magical guitar and various combos that I was constantly coming up with… "FIRE CHORD! GRABBER! SHOCK BOMB! ROMAN CANDLE!"… And made a really massive bloody organ and body part strewn mess that would make a certain Terca Lumireisan maid proud… If said druids were also rapists(Chances are, they probably were).

Them another group of druids appear. "I just thought up something special for you!" I jumped up into the air and hit the ground while playing a power chord on Clementine. "EARTHSHAKER!"

The shock wave that emanates forth causes the dome that makes up the roof of the temple to completely collapse, burying the large group of druids under tons upon tons of rubble As well as Exposing the whole temple to the sky above, and getting some fresh air.

"Wow..." I looked up at the sky, which glowed a dusty orange as lightning streaked overhead. Storms swirled here and there. Volcanoes erupting in the distance. Then I looked over the edge and sees that the temple appears to on a mountain of bones made various, and large creatures that I had never seen before… Not even on my recent tour. "What world is this…?"

"Huh?" I saw some sort of weird long legged creature being ridden by what looks like a kneeling red nun come up the pathway and come to a stop at what used to be the entrance.

"Alright, nice try, lady. Or whatever you are." I addressed that 'nun'. "I'm supposed to think you're a nun, but I know that you're some kind of big, ugly demon. So let's have it."

The 'nun' looks over 'her' shoulder, revealing that 'she' has a large zipper for a mouth that makes up 'her' entire face.

"Aha! I knew it. Big ugly demon." I said. The 'nun' stands up and dismounts the beast. She is twice as tall as me. "Kinda sexy in a weird way. Hm."

The 'nun' let out an ear piercing shriek and attacked. She was a much tougher opponent than the druids I took out moments ago. Speaking of which, More of those dudes showed up and joined in on the fun. But I chopped them into pieces and it wasn't long before the 'nun' was separated herself in several parts.

"Well that's enough outta her..." I said while catching my breath. "Wait. I heard that killing nuns is bad luck. I better get outta here." I tucked the Separator under Clementine (Clementine came with a strap) on my back. I looked at that strange beast that brought up that 'nun' earlier as I tightened down Clementine's strap.

I climbed up onto the waiting beast and notices this open book sitting on the...Um...altar...saddle… thing? Whatever. "Weird, I can read this freaky writing… Okay, alright, whelp here goes… um..." I knelt down and began...praying. "Oh man, gotta get this thing moving… Let's see here… Um...evil...um… Oh powerful majestic…? Slithering…? Um… Dear evil, messed up demon powers of darkness..."

The beast began to walk down the hill.

"...Uh, and unimaginable evil. Please transport me off this awesome corpse pile… I am but a visitor in this strange world...Which some would call hellish… But I have to admit, it's kinds bad-assed… "

The creature continued to walk down the hill towards a Stonehenge like structure.

I continued 'praying'. "… Oh lords of gross leather things… And S&M type wear, and whatever that Cumore guy back on Terca Lumireis keeps in his bedroom… You know you guys really have style… That battle nun? Heh heh, she was hot… Uh… sorry about killing her… Uhhh… But you're evil, though, right? So we're cool…? I didn't know I could do that… With an axe… I have no idea why my guitar is setting people on fire and stuff… And why I can do all those cool combat moves… They never taught me those kinds moves back in the Corps… Semper fi… By your good graces..."

The beast angrily roared and began to violently shake. I think I might have said the wrong words!

"… UH OH! I meant evil! Evil Graces!" I yelped as the beast bucked me off and onto the ground. "OW! Son of a..."

I got up and saw that he is surrounded by more of those druid dudes. I pulled out the Separator and got ready to slaughter 'em. The druids began chanting and a spell circle appears under my feet. Not sure what they're casting, let's NOT find out. I broke their concentration with an earthshaker, scattering the druids and crushing several of them under falling engine blocks.

I quickly dismembers the surviving druids. Then another one of those dudes showed up wielding a pair of daggers with foot long blades and guards shaped like ravens. "Oh you want some too?" I swung my axe intending to split that druid in two…

Or it would have if the druid hadn't parried the axe with his daggers. The force of the blow pushes back the druid's hood revealing… woah... One hot looking human chick with grey eyes and straight raven-black hair that came down to her shoulder-blades.

To say that I was surprised was a bit of an understatement. "Oh man! Don't tell me I've been slaying hot girls this whole time."

She shakes her head as if to say no. "The axe..." She says. "So you have come for it as well."

I stepped back. "No, but these guys jumped me and...hang on..." I notices an approaching druid and chops his head off. "... And it was just sitting there, so..."

"You handle it very naturally." She commented.

"Yeah, that's kinda strange isn't it?" I replied. "I've never touched an axe before. I've handled knives, pistols, assault rifles, rocket launchers, a scimitar, a camel, couple goats and even farming equipment. But never an axe..." I examined the Separator. "Cool design though..."

"Who are you?" She asked as a druid snuck up from behind.

"Uh, right shoulder." I warned.

She casually stabbed the druid in the chest. "We got to get out of here, before he arrives." She suggested.

"Yeah." I agreed. "What before who arrives?" I asked as we begin to make our way towards the main gate.

"Emperor Doviculus." She answered.

"Who?"

"Emperor Doviculus!" She answered again. "Where are you from?"

"It's kinda hard to say...Um, I kind of live on the road." I replied

"Ba assured You don't want to be here when he arrives." She said.

Just then, a group of druids led by a battle nun showed up.

We quickly took down the attacking druids, me with his axe and combos, that cool looking chick with her foot long daggers and martial arts.

"When he arrives? What's the big deal?" I asked as we continued on towards the main gate.

"We're slaughtering his personal guard for one thing." She answered as another groups of druids attack. We wiped them out before continuing on…

"Oh… aha..." I acknowledged, looking back at the mess we made. "Alright, they're dead." turned my attention to her. "So what did you say your name was?" I asked.

"No time. Come on! We have to run!" She replied.

We soon find ourselves facing another group of druids and a battle nun… which we slaughter.

"You're not related to Julia are you?" I asked.

"Who?" She asked.

"It's just the way you fight..." I replied. "Using those daggers and martial arts. You kinda remind me of her. And I still haven't gotten your name yet."

"I'll tell you later!" She replied. "Follow me!" She reaches the gate. "This way! We have to get to the door before the… Too late… Take a look outside."

I looked through the viewing hole in the door. I saw an army of those druids dudes, nuns and other assorted evil looking butt-ugly creatures.

"Yeah, that's a lotta dudes." I commented on the advancing army.

One of the druids reaches through the hole trying to grab me, only to be stabbed in the hand by that chick, pinning his clawed hand to the door with her dagger.

"Looks like we're not going that way..." I said. "Just what is this place?" I noticed this altar that we passed by moments earlier.

"The temple of Ormagöden..." She answered. "It's a place of ancient power, but no one knows its true purpose."

We approached the altar. "My people used to live here before the demons drove us out long before I was born. That axe...The Separator… belonged to the last human king that ruled here, passed down through the centuries, then taken from us, along with this land, by the white winged death, Succoria."

"Succoria?"

"The demons previous emperor..." She answered. "She mysteriously disappeared a long time ago. About several years before I was born. Doviculus now rules in her stead. These days, they call this place the Coiled Remains, seat of power of the Tainted Coil. Descendants of the demons that invaded our world long ago."

I looked down at the altar floor..." Hmmm... that's interesting… Looks like a disassembled hot rod."I commented on the drawing on the altar floor.

As I approached the altar I notices these weird looking roses, their petals resembling the 'devil horn' gesture. I examined the altar, and noticed more of the same strange writing that I could now read. I read the writing carved into the stone altar…

_**...RELIC RAISER…**_

_**...A rare vine grows wherever the land is steeped in legend. Play this solo etched upon this altar to unearth ancient structures and monuments…**_

… _**As well as this self powered chariot that lays beneath the ground awaiting one who is worthy…**_

"Relic Raiser, huh..." I examined the musical notes carved on the altar. "Okay, let's give this a go..." I unstrapped Clementine and played the solo…

Suddenly an unassembled hot rod, resembling the hot rod I was building back home… Only 20% cooler and awesomer… emerged from the ground. Along with a toolkit and a container of fuel, a container of motor oil and a container of coolant.

"What have you done?" She asked, pointing at all the car parts that just emerged from the ground.

"Created beauty by simply rocking, that's all." I answered as I examined the hot rod parts.

"Is that going to help us get out of here alive?" She asked.

"Actually yeah, I think so." I replied as I began to assemble the car…

First I takes the whitewall tires and, using the toolkit attached them to the suspension and frame.

Then I takes the suspension and frame and laid it on the ground.

Next I lowered the supercharged v-8 engine and transmission onto the frame and bolted them in place.

Then I attached the driveshaft.

Next I lowered the body on to the frame and bolted it down. Then I attached the seats, doors, windscreen and mirrors.

I finished up by attaching the radiator, connecting the engine, the battery, poured oil in the engine, poured coolant in the radiator, and fueled her up. And finally screwed on the 8-ball gear shift knob.

The chick examined the vehicle that I just built. "Is it a mine cart?" She asked.

I raised an eyebrow as I put the toolkit in the rumble seat compartment. "You're the second person to have said that." Recalling when I showed a twelve year old female Hunting Blade a picture of a similar looking hot rod I was building back home.

"Anyway, I call it the Druid plow." I replied. "Let me show you how it works(If it's like my car back home)." I hopped into the drivers seat. What you do, you slam it into gear and..."

The chick striped off her robe, revealing that underneath, she is wearing a black choker collar, a black t-shirt with a raven and ankh symbol, a pair of jeans held in place with a studded belt, and a pair of sneakers. All on a very attractive athletic body.

"Goo hoo hoo… Hello! Looks like it's working already." I ogled at the her. Man, she's smokin'.

Just then that demon army begins to bash down the door.

I immediately turned the key in the ignition, and the Druid Plow roars to life like an angry grizzly straining at the leash.

"WHAH! You've awakened the spirit of the beast himself!" The surprised lady recoiled, Her daggers out and ready to fight.

"I hope so!" I pumped on the accelerator. "Come on! Get in!" I gestures to her to get her butt in the car.

After a couple seconds of nervous hesitation, she hopped in to the passenger's seat. I shifted the gears into first and I feeling pretty confident in my handiwork… "Let's rock!"

_**...*VAROOM VAROOOM*...**_

My passenger just looked very nervous "What in the name of Ormagöden have I gotten myself into this time!?...*GULP*..." Yeah, She's nervous alright.

_**...THE DEUCE…**_

_**...(AKA DRUID PLOW)…**_

_**...A temple on wheels, this gift from the Titans can only be assembled by the worthy…**_

_**...And it resembles a 1932 ford model b roadster with a supercharged big-block, matte black body with an orange flame job paint scheme…**_

_**(BGM; Back At The Funny Farm by **__**Mot**__**ö**__**rhead**__**)**_

I floored the accelerator, popped the clutch, and the Deuce launched forward, its sudden acceleration pushing both me and the young lady into our seats. In seconds we smashed through the gates… And several waves of druids and nuns, turning them all into roadkill.

"Oh yeah! This is so much better!" I shouted above the roaring engine as I continues to mow down wave upon wave of those freaky demonic druid dudes.

"We need to reach the bridge before they shut the feeding area gates!" She shouted.

"Feeding area?" I asked. "What are they feedin'?"

"If we get there fast enough, you might not need to find out!" She replied. Something tells me that's a good idea.

Suddenly a large freaky-ass butt-ugly monster with long legs and a cage for a body showed up and tried to jump on top of us... Only to miss my inches as the deuce raced under it and over a ramp. The demon lets out an ear-piercing wail.

"Um, what's up with crazy legs?" I thumbed back over my shoulder at the long legged demon that tried to stomp on us seconds ago.

"Oh great! They're calling in reinforcements!" She replied. "But why such a large force?" She asked as I mowed down a battle nun and several more of those druid dudes.

"Wha…? Maybe because we're bad-asses!" I answered as we continued to race down the dark twisting road. "...Or maybe emperor What's-His-Name has something against you!" I drove under another long legged demon as it tried to stomp on us. "I haven't mention it, but THIS PLACE IS NUTS!" That's a bit of an understatement.

"YEEEE-HAAH!" I shouted as he launched the Deuce off another ramp and though the body on a third long legged demon, completely disintegrating its body in a shower of black blood and guts. What was left of the creature wobbles for a second before collapsing in a tangle of its own legs. Oh great, I just built this car and now I need to find a car wash.

"Yes these are dark times for our land!" She shouted back as the Deuce landed on its wheels and continues onwards. "But a few of us are fighting to change the way things are! Is that why you've came? To join us in our fight for the liberation of humanity?"

"You know, I don't really know!" I answered back as I swerved to avoid getting stomped by another of those freaky long legged demons, and smashed through a large brazier, lighting the monster on fire. Burn baby burn. "Haven't really thought about that yet! But, so far that's the best explanation I've heard!" I plowed through another group of druid dudes. And swerved around several more of those crazy long legged demons.

We raced over another ramp and into a wide circular arena with a large hole in the centre and piles of human bones strewn all about. The gateway leading out closes, trapping us in the arena. Don't like the looks of this...

Four of those druid dudes approach, swords drawn and chanting in their usual creepy tone.

"Aw come on!" I moaned. "I'm fuckin' sick of you guys! Alright, while I'm slaying these dudes, you get that gate open. Okay?" I turned my attention to my passenger only to see that she was…

...Already way ahead of me as she was climbing up towards the gate mechanism…

Heh heh heh… I couldn't help but admire her. "God, she's awesome."

Them I jumped out, Separator in hand, and, after a bit of hacking and chopping, turns the four druids into twenty druid parts. When I was done, I lit up a cigarette and took me a smoke- break. However that break became short lived when I heard something behind me...something huge. I turned to see this large mouth with sharp jagged teeth and tight fitting latex S&M wear… Which happens to be attached to a colossal lamprey-like body with bony horn-like spiked growing from its body.

"Oh… Um… Sorry...Did you know those dudes?" I asked the enormous monster lamprey.

The lamprey replied with a loud, and really stinky roar, its three long green slimy tongues writhing in her foul maw. She raises her head and tries to slam me flat with it. But I managed to evade the attack and got in the Deuce and slammed down the accelerator.

The monster lamprey followed me around the arena, her roaring maw maw just above me, showering both me and car in her rancid breath and slimy drool. YEEECH!

"Oh GOD!" I nearly gagged from the stench. I saw that monster rear her head up to slam. "UH OH!"

The lamprey slams her head, just missing me, but the shockwave causes the Deuce to somersault a few times before landing back on its wheels. "TOO CLOSE!" I yelled as I struggled to get the Deuce back under control.

The lamprey roared at me again as I put the Deuce back into motion. "AW GROSS!" The monster lamprey rears her head. "Oh, here she goes again!" This time I pressed a button on the steering wheel and ignites the nitro boost. The Deuce violently lurches foreword, ten foot jets of blue flame shooting from its eight exhaust pipes. Clearing the shockwave radius as the lamprey slammed her head into the arena.

Looking in the rear view mirror, I saw that the lamprey managed to get its three tongues stuck in the arena. "This gives me an idea!" I pulled on the emergency brake and bootleg turned the Deuce until it was aiming right at one of the tongues. I gunned the accelerator and drives right into the tongue, ripping it right out of the lamprey's mouth.

"YOU LIKE THAT MISS LICKY!?" I shouted as I pulled away. "KEEP THAT UGLY MUSCLE IN YOUR MOUTH NEXT TIME!"

The lamprey angrily roars and prepares to smash down on me.

"Oh NOT AGAIN!" I hit the nitro, causing the lamprey to miss completely… And gets her remaining two tongues stuck in the arena.

I immediately bootleg turned and plows into another tongue, ripping it clean off. "HA HA! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU FELL FOR THAT TWICE!" I shouted. I swear that critter's dumber than Darksydephil… If that's even possible.

The lamprey angrily roared at me again. "AH JEEZ! IT SMELLS LIKE A WHALE ATE SOME CABBAGE AND DIED IN YOUR MOUTH...ABOUT A YEAR AGO!" I gagged. Yeah, that's what it smelled like… Like a wale ate some cabbage and died in its mouth… About a year ago. PEEEYEEEW!

The lamprey reared up for another slam attack.

"HEADS UP!" I hit the nitro and sped out of the monster's strike zone. Not surprisingly, that dumbass lamprey has gotten her tongue stuck in the arena floor. I bootlegged and tore off the last tongue. "BINGO! I MEAN, JACKPOT!" I shouted.

The lamprey writhed around in agony as I parked the Deuce, and got out to admire my vehicular handiwork. "Heh heh, you'll never french-kiss again!" I gloated.

Just then that chick approaches. "What's French-kissing?" She asked.

I turned to face her. "...Uhh...It's, uhh..." And tried to explain French-kissing.

"The, um, gate's open." She thumbed with her dagger over her shoulder back at the now open gate.

"What? Oh. The gate." I replied.

The lamprey hovers overhead and roars at us. But her roar now sounds a bit different, and not quite as loud. Breath was still bad, though.

"AAH!" I gagged from the stench. "What's that? I couldn't hear you. It's like you got a lisp or something. You ever thought about gargling your mouth out with about...oh say… a hundred gallons of Listerine™?"

"Over here you foul and rotten worm!" The young lady, standing inside of the gateway, challenged. COME AND FIGHT! SO THAT I MAY..." The lamprey charges at her, slamming her into the gateway wall… "...UNGH…!...WHET! MY! BLADES! ON! YOUR! PUTRID! ENTRAILS!" She starts hacking and stabbing away at the lamprey's head like a rabid wolverine on crack.

"HEY! KNOCK THAT OFF!" I shouted at that lamprey as it tries to bite her in half. "_Man, vermiphobic that chick isn't, that for sure._" I thought as I rushed into the gateway.

"Come on, you!" She continued to stab and slash at the beast.

I noticed the two large engines on either side of the gateway. I guessed that they're being used as counterweights to hold the gate open. So I performed the earthshaker which snaps the counterweights loose. The gate came crashing down, its anchoring spikes skewering the lamprey's neck and pinning her to the floor in a geyser of her own blood… Which smelled worse than her breath.

"DECAPITATION!" I happily performed a powerslide, strumming the Separator like it was a guitar. "There. It is dead." I stood back up, examine my latest kill. Then I turned my attention to the young lady. "And you...I will now teach you of..."

"growl"

"...Hang on..." I struck the still living lamprey monster. Then I resumed my conversation. "I shall now teach you of French-kissing."

The young lady smiled back. A look of interest on her face.

Suddenly the lamprey monster revives...again… I don't believe this! And wrenches the gate off its rails and off its neck.

"Aw come on!" Eddie exclaimed. "What do ya need to kill this fucker!? A nuke!?" It might just come to that...Or the space cruiser Yamato's wave motion gun at least.

The lamprey monster thrashed around, smashing into the gateway several times. The gateway began to collapse.

"Oh SHIT! GET IN THE DEUCE! NOW!" Both me and the chick jumped in the deuce. We just barely manage to get through the gateway just as it completely collapses. Ramping through just as it closed behind us.

In moments we were driving on the highway bridge. "Hang on, my lady!" I said as I increased the speed.

She looked behind and sees that… "The bridge is collapsing right behind us!"

"Don't worry, we're way ahead of the..." I looked at the rear view mirror. "… AH SHIT! THE BRIDGE IS REALLY COLLAPSING!" I immediately floored the accelerator.

Not only was the bridge collapsing behind us, it was also collapsing in front of us, causing all manner of ramps and holes in our path.

"Just a little speed bump!" I drove over a ramp. "Smooth sailing from here on out!"

"Watch out for that hole on the left!" She warned as a hole appeared, taking up half of the bridge's width.

I managed to swerve around said hole. "I wasn't going to drive in there! What do you think, I'm stupid? Or Darksydephil?"

"Darksyde who?"

We jumped across two crevasses that open up in front of us. "Ah HA HA HA! Did you see that!?" I exclaimed. We saw one of those freaky long legged demons fall into a hole. "Man those things are dumb!" Which we drove on past.

Another hole opens on the left. "Take the right side!" She yelped.

"I was going to do that!" I replied swerving around the hole. "So bossy!" And ramped over a crevasse. As we jumped over another crevasse. "Hey check out the cool eclipse!" I pointed up at the sky at the awesome blood moon as electricity arcs around its silhouette. Man that's cool.

"EYES ON THE ROAD!" She yelled back, panic in her voice.

"UH OH!" I suddenly noticed a large hole open up in the middle of the road.

"THESIDES! THESIDES! THESIDES!" She yelled really fast.

I just barely managed to swerve the deuce onto one of the narrowing sides. We almost fell in.

We jumped over another hole as we zoomed past several more long legged demons as they fall through the holes and crevasses that were appearing under their feet.

"RIGHT SIDE!" She called out. "LEFT! LEFT! STAY IN THE CENTRE! RIGHT! LEFT! DO A BARREL ROLL!" Huh? "250, turn right 3, around crevasse! 150, turn left 5, around falling hate cage! 600, keep right, large jump!" Are we in the WRC now?

Anyway, I was swerving the deuce like crazy, jumping over crevasses, and even did a barrel roll.

Soon the end of the bridge was in sight. "Okay this is the last jump!" I yelled as a ramp appeared ahead of us. As we sailed through the air… "No wait one more! Now put your hands up for this one, okay?" We nitro'd off another ramp.

"WOO HOO!" She joyfully yelled, arms in the air as the deuce flies through the air and came to a landing on solid ground. "Wow..." We looked back at there the bridge once was. All that remained were a few crumbling columns and soon they were swallowed up by the sea.

"You like the car." I said.

"Yeah." She replied. "I can't wait to show it to Lars!"

"Lars?"

"He's the leader of our rebellion." She explained. "I guess I should introduce you to him too… Oh yeah, my name's Ophelia." She gave me her name.

"Eddie, Riggs." I introduced myself.

* * *

_**(Meanwhile, back in the Coiled Remains)**_

_**(standard Point of view)**_

Two demons examine the carnage around the altar where the Deuce emerged. "Doviculus. They say it was the fire beast Ormagöden himself." The Warfather gives his report.

"No..." Doviculus replied. "… Far far worse than he..." He pulls out Ophelia's dagger form the door, the severed hand falls away. "It was Succoria." He examines the dagger.

Then he sniffs the air. "I can smell her blood on the wind. The season of pain...Is upon us, Warfather."

"But why has she returned now?" The Warfather asks. "What does she want?"

"War..." Was Doviculus's answer. "...Finally…. Well, as soon as we get the bridge rebuilt."

"I'll see to it at once, my lord." The Warfather bows.

* * *

_**End Part 1**_

_**Author's notes:**_

_**This is my F**__**anfic adoption**__** of **__**the main story of**__** the game Brütal Legend by Tim Sheafer and Double Fine studios.**_

_**I plan to name each of the chapters after the main story missions. And it will follow the main story...more or less.:**_

_**Anyway next chapter, Eddie visits the headquarters of the human resistance.**_


	2. To Bladehenge!

_**Part 2. To Bladehenge!**_

* * *

_**(On the southern edge of the Brütal Land)**_

_**(Eddie's point of view)**_

"...Wow..." Was all that I could say as I got out of the deuce and looked out on the land in front of me. Just ahead was a large chrome skull that formed a tunnel over the road, probably intended as a gateway for the now collapsed bridge. Further on, I saw large statues of swords, axes, pentagrams.

Off in the distance, I saw mountains and an anvil shaped building with glowing eyes and chains reaching up into the sky, disappearing into the thunderstorm looming above. "What is this place…?"

"We call it the Brütal Land." Ophelia answered. "But, to me, it's just home. I live in a town called Bladehenge."

"Really... Well we should keep moving." I got back in the car.

"We should be safe in Bladehenge." Ophelia suggested. "Here take this map." She handed me a map.

"Guess you don't have GPS here, huh." I examined the map.

"GPS…?" Ophelia asked.

"Nevermind… Anyway, what's in Bladehenge?" I asked.

"Well besides being my hometown, Bladehenge is the centre of the human resistance movement. As well as a refuge for those who lost their homes to the Tainted Coil and their allies." Ophelia explained.

"Aha! Army headquarters huh?" I said.

"Well… Right now our 'army is just Lars Halford, his sister Lita, Mangus and me." Ophelia said.

"What…?" Yeah, I was a bit surprised at the… current size of the resistance. "...Come on..." I mean that's not an army, I oughta know.

"Lars is a great leader." Ophelia replied. "...Truly inspirational. But we had a few… practical setbacks..." She let out a tired sigh and shook her head "… Let's face it… An army needs warriors, food, shelter, transportation… so many details to manage."

I knew that the current problem with this resistance was simple logistics. Something that my skills as a former marine engineer and a chief roadie can fix. "Sounds like what you need is a ROADIE." I suggested. "Which I just happen to be when I came here."

"Um… What's a roadie?" Ophelia asks, looking a bit confused.

"Um… It's a long story..." I replied. "Tell you what, Ophelia, how 'bout we get to town, have a big pow-wow with Lars, Lita, and Mangus? We'll have a campfire, and I'll tell you about what I do and where I come from over a big flagon of mead."

"Afraid not… All our mead breweries were taken over by Lionwhyte." Ophelia shook her head. "We only have beer. But you can have as many kegs as you want."

"Fair enough..." I pressed on the accelerator, putting the deuce into motion. "TO BLADEHENGE!" I shouted as we passed under the chrome skull and enter the Brütal Land…

_**(An hour or so later)**_

"I see you're in no hurry to meet Lars." Ophelia said while I drove slowly along, looking at the awesomeness of the countryside. As well as the strange wildlife that included carnivorous deer and porcupines with steel quills.

"I'm not afraid of him." I replied as I stopped to look at the large Maltese cross statue.

"Afraid?" Ophelia cocked her head. "Who said you were afraid?"

"Nobody. Cuz I'm not." I replied as he started driving again.

"Well good." Ophelia said as we drove past a long abandoned cathedral. "When you summon the courage to meet Lars, All you need is to head towards that sword statue over there." She pointed at the large illuminated sword surrounded by a large Stonehenge-like structure in the distance.

"Hey, I got plenty of courage." I replied. "But I also got a whole bunch of stuff I wanna do right now…" I pointed at a nearby axe statue. "Gotta do a backflip off that thingy..." Then I pointed at a gorgon flying overhead. "Gotta fight that double headed gorgon..."

"You'll get turned to stone." Ophelia warned. Wonder if I'll leave a good looking statue?

"Seriously… It'll blow your mind, the stuff I got on my plate." I said as we continued to drive along the highway.

"Uh huh.."

Eventually we arrived at the southern gate of Bladehenge. As I parked the Deuce, we were met by a woman with short blonde hair, wearing black jeans and a top that showed off her well built abdomen and her well toned tattooed arms, and wielding a halberd.

"Ophelia, what demon have you allowed to fallow you home this time?" She asked, pointing her halberd at the Deuce. Then she noticed me. "Oh, hello."

"Don't mind Lita." Ophelia said. "She a little high strung."

High strung huh. Kinda like that Sodia knight I met on Terca Lumireis.

"Really, Ophelia..." Lita glared back. "Who's this guy?"

"Name's Eddie..." I greeted, offering my hand to Lita. "Eddie Riggs. From Earth."

"Earth?" Lita asked. "What land is that?"

"I'll explain later, once we meet Lars..." I replied.

Ophelia approached a phone booth inside the gateway. She picked up the phone and pressed the button marked 'top of sword'. "Lars!" Ophelia spoke into the phone. "We have a visitor. Southern gate."

I looked up at the top of the sword and can just a man standing watch. The man waves down at them and begins to climb down the ladder…

Several minutes later, he arrived at the south gate. I notices that he kinda looked a bit like Fabio… only 20% cooler. And was wearing a studded leather vest, jeans, leather boots, and had a battered sword strapped to his waist. And, like Lita, His muscular arms were also tattooed.

"Welcome to Bladehenge. I'm Lars Halford." Lars introduced himself. "And you are..."

"Eddie Riggs." I introduced back. "From Earth."

"Earth?" Lars asked.

"It's a long story." I replied.

"Well...this I'd like to hear..." Lars scratched his chin.

"I figured you'd might." I said….

* * *

_**(A few hours later, sunset)**_

So for the next few hours or so, I told Lars, Lita, Ophelia, and Mangus about my recent tour over a keg of beer and a roasted beast. Before long, the sun was setting.

"So let me get this straight..." Lars said. "These performers… They don't even have to tune their own instruments?" He asked me about my job.

"Nahh. that's our job; the roadies." I answered. "The rock star's job is just to deliver the audience to the promised land of rock'n'roll." I added with good deal of reverence and respect.

"Fascinating..." Lars replied. "As fascinating as all those worlds you've visited."

"I kinda liked that Julia person you were talking about, Eddie..." Ophelia added. "She was kind of… interesting."

"...And That part where you and your friends were juggling around those plates and stuff, freaking out that Margaret chick..." Mangus said. "Man that was funny."

"Heh heh heh… Yeah, you could say that." I agreed.

"Um, can we get back to the part about how you were summoned here from the realm of the gods, Panem?" Lita asked.

"Oh yeah… By this little guy here." I pointed at his my buckle.

Lars, Ophelia, Lita and Mangus all look at one another before turning their attention back towards Eddie.

Lita replied first. "You were brought here by… Ormagöden? The Eternal Fire Beast!?"

"The Cremator of the Skies." Lars added, looking upward at the sky.

"Destroyer of the Ancient Worlds." Added Ophelia.

"Slayer of Gods And Demons." Mangus also added.

"Yeah, I accidentally got a little blood in its mouth and it totally went nuts on me." I explained. "Then everything went completely bright and the next thing I know, I was in this altar that looked like my last stage and there were three druids trying to turn me into steak tartar." Then I showed them the Separator. "That's where I got this guy, by the way."

"The Separator?" Lars replied. "So… You've claimed the sacred axe and brought it from the demons of the Coiled Remains."

"Guess that's what I did." I replied. "Until now, I never realized how good I was with an axe… Not to mention..." I showed them Clementine. "… That my guitar can now shock demons, set 'em on fire, cause earthquakes, And I can now do some crazy badass moves."

"I see..." Lars said. "There are those who speak of a day when Ormagöden the Fire Beast shall bring a warrior to this world..."

"To destroy us." Lita warned.

"To deliver us!" Ophelia corrected.

Lars held up his hand to interrupt the impending argument. "There is some dispute about the translation. But having met you, I can tell that you're here to help us. To lead us."

"To wage war against the demons and the gods that long ago summoned them!" Ophelia stated. "To liberate humanity from under their yoke!"

"HELL YEAH!" I enthusiastically stood up Fists pumping. "Um… I mean, hold on a sec… It's been a while since I served in the Marines, but, uh, I'll tell you what I do know from my days as an engineer." I looked at Lars. "I know from meeting you, Lars, that you are the true leader here, not me."

Lars nodded.

"What I know..." I continued. "… Is how to put a crew together, hot to keep it organized, and how to take it on the road."

"That, my friend..." Lars places his hand on my shoulder. "...Is exactly what we need."

"But I'm sure you must be longing to return to your world." Lita said.

"Pffft..." I replied. I kinda feel like I belong here on this world for some reason. "...Alright, so where's your army, Lars?"

"We… have none." Lars sadly answered.

"I already told you." Ophelia added. Oh yeah, We need to put one together.

Lars continued. "You see, the traitorous general Lionwhyte has taken away most of our young men to toil away in his mines."

"And he's taken our women as slaves in his decadent Pleasure Tower." Ophelia added as she stood up.

"Not to mention he took all the mead." Mangus added.

"So that's why I've been seeing mostly kids and old folk around here..." I said, looking down into the town below and seeing only children and elderly."… All the folks in their prime are all enslaved! Well what are we waiting for? Let's go get 'em back!" He declared.

Ophelia nodded in agreement.

"No, Ophelia, You are not to go near general Lionwhyte again." Lars worriedly said. "You were almost impaled the last time!"

"But, Lars..." Ophelia objected.

"I mean it." Lars stated.

"Hold on..." I interrupted. "Let's compromise. We'll spring the dudes first, then they can help us get the ladies." He suggested.

"But..." Ophelia tried to object.

But I enthusiastically interrupted. "TIME TO BREAK THE CHAINS!" And I did a chain-breaking gesture.

Lars was quiet for a moment before he gives his answer. "I'll show you the mines..." He solemnly said. "… But I think you'll find these chains very hard to break."

* * *

_**End Part 2**_

_**Author's notes:**_

_**A bit of a short chapter I'll admit. Hopefully The next chapter will be a bit longer.**_

_**Speaking of next chapter. Eddie And Lars head up north to start themselves a revolution.**_


	3. Exploited In The Bowels Of Hell

_**Part 3. Exploited in the Bowels of Hell **_

* * *

_**(Bladehenge, The following morning)**_

_**(Eddie's point of view)**_

The following morning, I got up, had breakfast and followed Lars up to the north gate. As me and Lars, leading his big raptor elk mount passed through the gateway, we came across this glowing purple statue.

"Most unusual..." Lars said, looking at the statue. "I've lived here all these years and I've never seen it glow like that."

"What is it?" I asked.

"We call them tab slabs." Lars answered. "They're ancient relics left behind by the Titans. Until recently this one's been just sitting there. But now..."

"…. Lemme guess, It started glowin' in that weird purple light." I finished.

"Exactly, Edward… I wonder..." He looked back at me.

"You think my showin' up might have something to do with it?" I asked.

"It's possible."

"Let's find out then..." I approached the glowing tab slab. Just as I was right in front of it, I suddenly hear this awesome sounding guitar riff. A fanged chrome skull emerged and set itself on top of the slab, steel spikes came out the sides, And a set of glowing musical notes appeared on the front.

I read the notes. "Ho ho ho, This one looks like a doozy!"

"A doozy?" Lars asked, looking confused. "What do you mean?"

"Something awesome, Lars… something awesome." I studied the notes and read the glowing note beneath 'em.

_**...Summon Deuce…**_

… _**This powerful riff summons the Deuce…**_

_**...Better than valet parking…**_

"I cant wait to try that out." I said. Well seeing as my car's on the other side of Bladehenge, I unstrapped Clementine and played that riff hitting the notes perfectly. The instant I struck the last note, the Druid Plow suddenly appeared in front of us in a flash of lightning. Woah.

… It took us several minutes afterwards to catch and calm down Lars' suddenly spooked steed…

"Guess I oughta be more careful doing that around him." I said as we came back to my car.

"That would be a good idea..." Lars mounted the raptor elk while I got in and started up my car. "Now follow me… YAH! YAH!" He snapped the reins, dug his heels into the flanks and took off at full gallop.

I was barely able to keep up. Man that elk was fast.

I drove past what looked like some kind of glowing green geyser. I swore I could almost hear something coming from way down inside that thing. I continued to follow Lars north… I'll worry about those weird geysers later.

I caught up to Lars when he stopped by this large half buried statue surrounded by those devil thorns.

"This the entrance to the mines?' I asked.

"Not quite, Edward..." Lars shook his head. "… That's still further north, past the remains of an ancient highway. I just noticed the devil thorns growing around it. I wonder..."

"If I could raise it like I did with the Druid Plow back in the Coiled Remains." I finished. "Guess it might be a Titan relic. Well one way to find out..." I unstrapped Clementine while Lars held the reins to keep his mount from bolting. I played the relic raiser solo…

Best as I can describe it, what rose up once I finished resembled a garage shaped like an engine block. Even had a fanged skull wearing an aviator hat and goggles above the door. "Wow, now that's my kind of relic."

Then we heard a voice coming from that skull. "Ye who have raised this sacred garage, drive the sacred car ye have constructed into thine entrance way. Come alone." If I didn't know any better I swore it sounded like Ozzy Osborne… Come to think of it, that dude that sold me the wood to repair Clementine a while back also sounded like him too…

"… The Guardian Of Metal..." Lars gasped.

"The who now?" I asked.

"...The Guardian Of Metal..." Lars repeated. "A person chosen long ago by the Metal Gods to be their keeper of ancient secrets long lost to the world above. And he has summoned you to come and see him."

"He wants to see me?"

"Yes, Edward." Lard nodded. "And you would do well to heed his summons. And do so alone. I will wait outside until you return… If you return." Why don't I like the sound of that.

Well I suddenly have a strong feeling that I should go in. So I got in the Druid Plow. "Be right back, Lars." And drove in as the door opened…

* * *

_**(The Motor Forge)**_

I zoomed down this long dark tunnel lit by all these weird, and cool looking orange runes. Soon the tunnel ended in a really large cavern lit by sea of lava beneath. I saw these giant dudes hammering away on massive anvils.

I brought the Druid Plow to a screeching stop as the path came to an end and got out to survey my surroundings. That's then I heard this maniacal laughter echoing throughout the cavern…

"HA HA HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA HA!"

Then a stream of lava shot up and landed right in front of me. It exploded revealing this dude in a black fringed robe with a glowing cross on the back. He turns around, pulling down his hood to reveal…

"Well, It's about fucking time."

Ozzy Osborne? Only somewhat...younger looking, and wearing red Lennon specs.

Next thing I knew, he was examining the Druid Plow. "Not bad.." He checked on the engine block. "...Looks like you figured out the instructions okay… You got some demon flesh on your bumper." he pointed at the front bumper. Then go goes around to the back of the car. "… But that's the way the world is today, I'm afraid."

"so who...uh..." I tried to ask.

"Oh me?" 'Ozzy' replied as he continued to examine my car. "Oh I'm nobody special. Just the Guardian Of Metal. But you can call me Oswald."

"Oh wow, Great." I replied. "That's the same name as..."

"As Ozzy Osborne?" Oswald replied. "Yeah, I do kinda look and talk like that old dude from Earth. Or was it the other way around..." He scratches his chin. "Good singer that one. Might have been an influence on him way back during his 'Black Sabbath' days."

"You've been to Earth?" I asked.

"I've been to many worlds in the last few hundred years, son." Oswald tapped on the tires. "You see, I've been chosen by the Metal Gods to be the guardian of their secrets and artifacts millennia ago." He checks his face in the mirror. "I can travel between dimensions. Lately I've been derping about the galaxy looking for worthy people."

"Worthy People?" I said.

"Pretty much..." Oswald replied as he got in the car and fiddled with the controls. "You might have met one of 'em. I sold a pin to her when I dropped by Terca Lumireis some six of your years ago. Dark brown hair, blue eyes, glasses, cute looking broad, if a bit hoidy-toidy."

"Julia?"

"Bingo." Oswald grinned. "If you're wondering what happened to her since you got here, she's doing fine. I think she's heading up to some city inside a cave to study to become some sort of scholar."

"So how many...Worthy ones have you found?" I asked.

"A few..." Oswald answered. "And soon their time will come and many tales of their heroism will be told throughout the galaxy. But that'll be another set of stories for another day… Third gear's a bit sticky by the way."

"So you want to help me fight demons and stuff?" I asked.

"Hmmmm… Lemme think on that..." Oswald got out of the car and walked behind me. "Naaah. I'm not a fighter. As I mentioned earlier I'm more of a, what shall we say, a keeper of timeless secrets and what-not, that's all.

Then he puts his left hand on my shoulder and pointed at me. "Tell you what; Prove yourself worthy, and maybe, I'll share some of them secrets and what-not with you."

He walked towards the edge of the cliff. "… For instance, did you know that this world was once ruled by an ancient race of Titans?" Not really, news to me.

He continued. "… Now they were something!" He smiled back, then he looked upwards. "They took every part of that old fire beast. They took his blood, his fire, his steel flesh..."

Then we walks around behind me. "...They even took his scream. And they made that car there..." He pointed at the Druid Plow. "… And a million other things." He spread his arms out.

Then he put his arm around my shoulder. "...Including music. Fuckin' beautiful music, man."

He walked back towards the edge. "...And when they rose to the heavens and became Gods, they left instructions behind. How to make cars, music, the whole deal." He spread his arms out. "Do you think anyone noticed?" He turned around to face me. "Pffft. Nah. Bunch of wankers!" He flipped the middle finger. "No one here figured out any of it! Not the humans that came to settle this place! Not the Tainted Coil, that's for sure! Until Riggnarok and, more recently, you, Eddie." Riggnarok?

He scratches his chin. "So, as I suspected when I sold you that wood to fix your guitar, you're definitely worthy of the Metal Gods favor, I suppose."

"So it was you I met at that lumber yard in Panem." I pointed at him.

"Figured that out, huh?" Oswald grinned. "Too bad Sharon made me shave off the beard afterwords." He stroked his chin. "Thought I looked good in it. Oh well..." He approached. "So listen… If you do something that pleases the Gods, they might reward you… With a fire tribute. Ha ha ha ha." Then he pulls out and lit… Is that MY cigarette lighter!?

He tossed it back to me. "...When they've paid you enough tributes, come see me: I'll share some more secrets of metal with you." He looked at the car. "...Like how to turn that little beast over there into a real monster. One that would make a Group B rally-car look like a pedal-powered go-cart. Among other things… Got it?"

"Um… Sure." I replied.

"Good… I can sense that that the Metal Gods have already blessed you with some awesome combat moves." Oswald commented as he looked me over. "And I'm guessin' it's well before we met. Have you used any?"

"I think I used the Rock Kick." I replied, scratching my goatee. "In Berlin on some masked motherfuckin' piece of shit(AKA the Rapeman). Just learned it's name when I was chopping up those druid dudes."

"I see. So how's your guitar working?"

I unstrapped both Clementine and the Separator. "Even better than ever." I showed him Clementine and let him take it. "And now she can cast lightning, set dudes on fire, and even cause earthquakes. Does that have anything to do with that wood you sold me?"

"You could say that, Eddie." Oswald replied as he examined Clementine. "The ebony and cherry wood did come from such trees… Only these trees are native to this world and were cultivated by the Titans to allow those who are worthy to channel their awesome power…" He strummed the strings, causing lightning to strike a nearby pillar. Then he performs the earthshaker, making the whole chamber shake and rumble. Some of the falling boulders bounced off those giant dudes, which led to them angrily shaking their fists at Oswald and shouting words I can't quite understand, but something tells me they're not nice words. Can't really blame 'em.

"Sorry, guys!" Oswald apologized back. "Testing out a new guitar!" Then he turned to face me. "Really good work on her, by the way. Perfectly tuned too." He handed her back to me.

Then he noticed my axe leaning up against the Druid Plow. "Well I see you managed to get your hands on the old Separator..." He picked it up and examined it. "Been quite a few centuries since I last saw this beauty. The Gods'll be pleased that it's now back in human hands once more."

Then he pulls something silvery looking out of his robes. "Here catch." And tossed it to me. Looks like some kind of radio.

"What's this?" I asked.

"Just a little something for your car." Oswald replied. "You, no doubt noticed, that rectangular hole in your dashboard. It's on the house."

_**...The Mouth Of Metal…**_

… _**For returning the sacred to the place of its creation, the Titans have awarded you with the Mouth Of Metal…**_

_**...Now the song of the Titans will follow you wherever you go…**_

It didn't take too long to install the new radio. "Well it looks like I've kept you here long enough." Oswald said as I started up my car. "Don't you have anything else to do? Like, oh say, Help Lars spring all those dudes from the mines and get your little army started?"

"Yeah, can't keep him waiting." I replied. "Oh wait, before I scram, what do I have to do for a fire tribute?" I asked.

"Please the fuckin' Gods of Metal, man! Figure it out!" Oswald answered.

"Right. Okay, I'll be back soon, covered in Metal God love." I waved back.

I think what I just said came out wrong. That because Oswald grimaced, looking a bit revulsed. "...*shudder*… Oh, God!"

"Fire tributes! I meant fire tributes!" I corrected. "What did you think I was gonna come back covered in their jizz?… Yeeech!"

"Yeah, that's what it it sounded like to me..." Oswald shook his head like he was trying to banish the thought of me showing up all slimy and stuff. "No go on! Off with you!"

Well no point sticking around, so I drove back up the passageway and returned to the surface…

* * *

_**(The Surface, Motor Forge Entrance)**_

I met up with Lars as soon as I exited the Motor Forge. "So you have returned from the Motor Forge." Lars said as I got out. "So what gifts has the Guardian Of Metal bestowed?"

"Well I got this new radio for starters..." I pointed at the Mouth Of Metal.

"A new radio?" Lars asked as I switched it on… First song we heard was… 'Leather Rebel' by Judas Priest. Something tells me that these Metal God dudes visited Earth back in the '60s and introduced Heavy Metal.

Lars looked awestruck. "The music of the Titans… Or something similar."

"Where I come from that's what we call...Heavy Metal." I replied.

"We had music like that here long ago." Lars said. "Back when the Titans walked these lands. It seems that when they ascended to become the Metal Gods, they must have visited your world at one point."

"I think so too, Lars." I nodded. "Your stag seem to like it." I thumbed over to Lars's mount, who was nodding his head in tune to the song on the radio. And looking like he was enjoying it.

"Interesting..." Lars stroked his chin. "Was there anything else before we resume our trek to the mines?" I explained to Lars some of the things I learned from my visit with Oswald. "...I see. Well we should be off." He mounted the raptor elk, snapped the reins and took off north. I got in to my Druid Plow and followed…

… Definitely gonna need an engine upgrade that's for sure…

We passed under an ancient highway overpass and continued onwards. Eventually we came to a stop at two stone pillars forming a gateway to a path leading down into a large open pit mine. Next to 'em was a sign that said 'Crushing Pit'.

"Is there something in my teeth?" Lars asked as he dismounted. I followed him up to a ledge overlooking the mine.

"So this is it." I folded my arms and looked downwards. "The Crushing Pit."

"Yes..." Lars nodded. "Hundreds of our strongest young men, toiling their lives away, like their fathers and grandfathers before them." We watched the laborers on the scaffolds hacking away at the rock face with pickaxes and hammers. "...Given simple tools, and forced to break the solid rock-face with nothing more than pickaxes and sledgehammers. They enter the pits at age 10… Very few live long enough to produce the next generation of laborers, let alone retire."

"Well come on! Let's bust 'em outta here!" I declared, Smacking my fist to my palm. "Where's the gate?"

"There is no gate..." Lars shook his head.

"What!?"

"Ever since the Black Tear Rebellion, their spirits were broken. They have nowhere to go. No idea how to live outside the pits. So they stay underground." He let out a ragged sigh, slumping his shoulders. "I wish I could help them, But I mean… What do you do with a bunch of people who don't know how do do anything but chip away at the rock all day long?"

I felt my lower lip quiver as I looked down at those poor saps. Then I looked back at Lars, and gave him my answer. "You start a revolution, Lars… RIGHT NOW! C'mon! Let's get down there!" We ran down through the gate and down into the pit…

* * *

_**(The Crushing Pit)**_

When we arrived at the first pit, we heard this constant monotonous singing that was mixing in with the din of the pickaxes, sledgehammers and shovels…

"...One day more...One day more...One day more...One day more...One day more...One day more...One day more..."

Also the scaffolds that those dudes were standing on were made from...car frames? Not to mention there were car parts and engine blocks sticking in the walls. Are they mining cars here?

Me and Lars approached the nearest group of laborers. "Hey, dudes, knock it off for a second!" I shouted. "Your mining days are over. We're busting you outta here!"

They just ignore me and continue their work. Then we heard one of those statues talk. "When it comes to mental health, the safety word is work." I'm guessin that the voice of that lionhearted dude. "PERSONAL GOALS!"

"Dudes. Come on..." I tried to get their attention. "… I'm talking about freedom here, liberation… Maybe a little sweet revenge."

They kept on working." You're not even locked up! The shackles are all in your minds, mam! This is sad, bro-mans! You don't have to be slaves!"

Hey, you two! Beat it!" A voice interrupted. We turned to see these two dudes approaching us. They looked like the miners we were trying to free, only they wore suits that had oversized collars and lapels, Van-Halen style striped pants. The first one had long blonde and very silky looking hair.

"Yeah, go wash your hair!" The second one with long brown silky hair said, pointing his finger at us.

"Who are these guys?" I asked, pointing my finger at those tacky looking dudes.

"Lionwhyte loyalists..." Lars drew his sword. "They call themselves the 'Hair Metal Militia'."

I readied the Separator. Then I noticed that there was something… interesting about Lars's sword. "Huh?"

"Are you...looking at my sword?" Lars asked.

"Yeah…" I replied. "Why didn't you tell me there were musical notes etched on it?"

"Musical notes…?" Lars looked at his chipped and battered blade and noticed that the notes were glowing. "Just like on that tab slab." He let me read the notes. "This sword once belonged to Riggnarok long ago. It is known as 'Battle Cry'."

"Well then..." I unstrapped Clementine. "Time to sound the Battle Cry!"

_**...BATTLE CRY…**_

_**...Raise the spirits of the weary and inspire them to fight more fiercely with this ancient music from the Titans…**_

_**...Better than a 12 oz cup of espresso…**_

"Hey! Are you two ignoring us!?" The blonde dudes complained as I played the solo…

Once I finished… everything went completely… quiet. The sound of pickaxes, shovels and hammers stopped. Even that 'one day more' chant stopped. Well that's because all those miner dudes suddenly stopped working and were all looking at us.

"Ohh...Wha… What was that sound?"

"It's a devil screaming!"

"No, I think it's an angel singing!"

"It is the pounding of creation's hammer upon the anvil of time!" Man, that's deep.

"Well whatever it is, It's fucking awesome, guys!" No argument there, dude.

They all nodded and agreed with each other. It's safe to say we finally got their attention.

"It's called… Heavy Metal…" I addressed the miners. "And it's the real reason you should bang your heads. Not for that guy!" I pointed with Clementine at one of those statues.

They looked at each other, looked at that statue I was pointing at, then they looked at us. "Yeah! Screw this place."

"Yeah! Let's get outta here."

"Metal." They approached me and Lars.

"I'm impressed." Lars said.

"I'd thought you'd be." I replied.

But not everyone was cool with the Idea of joining Lars. Namely those two militia dudes. "Hey hang on, guys..." Blondie objected "I know we're all strugglin' right now. But I'm telling ya, This is all gonna pay off really soon."

"Yeah, our manager says that if we just work hard, and produce a high-quality product, that we'll all be able to move up to cush guard jobs in the General's Pleasure Tower." Brownie added. Yeah, that's what I'm callin' those two dudes.

Then Blondie continued. "There's gonna be piles of chicks and booze and stuff."

The miners looked at them first, then looked back at us. "We're with them." One of 'em pointed at us. Then they walked up and stood beside us.

"They've made their choice." Lars stated. "You'd do well to respect their decision." He warned his sword readied.

Blondie and Brownie backed up a few steps. "Hey, guys sorry but we got a sweet gig here." Blondie replied. "And we're not about to let you grease-bags ruin it."

Then they run up to this nearby big mine cart. "Guards! Riot! Walkout!" They shouted. The mine cart rolled to one side opening up a path that led downwards. And coming up that path was this big- ass dude dressed like a medieval executioner. Geez this dude was as big as a grizzly and was all muscle.

"Grrrrrr!" He snarled, raising up his large gloved spiked fists.

"I heard those guys over there say they're organizing a union." Blondie pointed back at us.

The executioner dude then glared at us. "Grr!"

"We'll go sound the alarm!" Brownie shouted as they ran down the pathway. The mine cart rolled back, closing off the path as the big dude smacked his fists together. Then the alarm started to sound.

"Okay, dudes don't worry. I have a..." I started to say but Lars and a group of miners rushed the big dude. "...Plan? Hey! Did I say Charge?"

"You just did." Lars replied as he swung at that executioner. The big dude swung a punch at Lars, but he just sidestepped the blow that smashed into a buried car fender behind him, crumpling it like it was tinfoil. "YAH!" Lars then cleaved his arm off with a downward chop of Battle Cry. Just as one of the miners smashed that guys face in with his sledgehammer, knocking him on his back. Then another miner finished him off by driving his pickaxe right into his heart.

"Whoohoo" The miners all cheered as they stood around the fallen executioner.

"Man, I wanted to do that forever. "The dude with the sledgehammer said.

"That's for killing Charlie, you bastard!" The dude with the pickaxe added as he kicked the dead executioner.

"Woah, heh heh, okay." I got their attention as I approached. "Hey, hey, see how much ass you dudes kicked when you band together like that? That's awesome."

"I agree, Edward..." Lars nodded. "It's clear you men would make better warriors than miners."

"Warriors huh?" One of the miners replied. "I like the sound of that." The others nodded.

"Now with just a little bit of practice, I bet I could turn you dudes into a well-oiled machine of death." I said. "You into it?"

They looked at each other and mumbled for a bit, then they looked back at me and all nodded.

"Okay first..." I lift the Separator high above my head. "When I do this… It means you gotta follow me, Okay? Same goes for Lars when he holds Battle Cry high." They all nod. "Okay let's try it."

I perform the 'follow' gesture. "Gather around, me warriors!" I shouted. They quickly form up on me. "That's what I'm talking about! Okay let's practice moving in formation."

"On it. Gotcha!" They replied. I headed over towards that yellow Lionwhyte statue. They followed close behind me. When we got to that statue, they started smashing it into rubble. Garbled sounds and sparks came out as it crumbled and collapsed into a heap of yellow rubble.

"Oh all right, yeah. Kill it" I said as they smashed up said statue. "You've earned yourselves some destroy. Enjoy."

"Hah hah, you guys nailed that dude."

"A pity that it isn't the real thing." Lars added. "Oh well, can't complain."

"Well okay, next lesson...Opposite style. When me or Lars does this..." I hold up my left fist. "It means DON'T follow us." I wag my finger. "Stay put. Defend this hallowed ground. Got it?"

They look at one another.

I pointed at that scrap pile to my left. "Defend that pile of scrap with your very lives." I ordered. Okay here we go." I head over to the scrap pile and give the 'defend' gesture. "Chill for a sec." I called out. They gathered around me. "Really good, you guys. Now that means stay put for real. Me and Lars are gonna walk over to that purple statue over there, and we don't want anybody to follow us."

Me and Lars headed over to that purple Lionwhyte statue. "Okay, I'm gonna turn around now..." I said, facing that tacky-ass statue. "...And If I see anyone following us, I'm going to be really disappointed." Like a drill sergeant. Me and Lars turn around and…

They were all still at that scrap pile.

"Yes! You guys pass. For now." Well so far so good. "But now we gotta huddle up for the big finale."

"May I, Edward?" Lars asked.

"Sure thing." I nodded. Lars did the 'follow' gesture.

"To Me!" He shouted. The Miners raced over to us. And they smashed that gaudy-ass purple statue into a pile of sparking garbling purple rubble. "Music to my ears." Lars smiled.

"Okay, next lesson..." I got their attention. "Now this time, we're gonna mix it up. Me and Lars'll defend this area while you dudes go kick the shit outta that blue statue over there." I thumb at the offending statue.

"Let's do it." They said, looking eager and rarin' to go.

"Okay so when either me or Lars do this..." I do the devil horns gesture. "...You go completely nut shit at whatever we're pointing at, okay? Get ready." I do the 'attack' gesture at the blue statue. "Take no prisoners!" I commanded.

"Got it." They rushed over to the blue statue… which has just become a pile of of sparking garbling blue rubble.

"Good job on that one." Lars commented as we headed over.

"I can't believe we used to mine together" One of them said.

"I know right..." Another replied. "Lionwhyte sucks!"

"He wears white after Labor Day!"

"Death to Lionwhyte!"

"I hate statues!"

"Well done, I'm proud of you boys." I congratulated the group. "What do you wanna call yourselves?"

They argued for a bit headbutted each other a few times, and they nodded and gave me their answer. "You dudes can call us Headbangers."

" 'Cause we like to bang our heads."

"Alright then, Headbangers it is." I agreed. "But to build an army big enough to take on the real Lionwhyte, we're gonna need some more dudes." I pointed at the big mine cart blocking the path downward. "We gotta bust your fellow Headbangers out of these stupid mines. Whaddaya say? ARE YOU WITH US!?"

"YEAH!" They all shouted. "METAL!"

I approached the mine cart, Separator in my right, and my left doing the 'attack' gesture at the mine cart. "ASS KICKERS UNITE!" I shouted. The Headbangers raced up and reduced that mine cart to scrap metal… And unblocked the path leading on down. "Nice work. let's go." And I led them deeper into the mines… "No Headbanger left behind!"

* * *

_**(The Gyre)**_

We made our way down the path that was leading to an even larger pit. I felt the heat hit my face when we arrived. And what we saw… Woah… there was this big multi floored… mill wheel. You know, kinda like that 'wheel of pain' from that old 'Conan The Barbarian' movie back 9in the '80s. Only this one had several floors, and each floor had nearly a hundred or so slaves pushing away on the posts.

Also, instead of milling grain, this wheel was churning a huge whirlpool of what looked like molten metal. Which was being fed by more slaves dumping car parts into that swirling mass.

That's when it hit me… this isn't a mine…

It's a scrapping yard! They're melting down cars for their metal.

Then we heard this voice. "FASTER! KEEP MOVING!" Me and Lars looked up to see that it was coming from this even bigger looking executioner dude, who was hearing a headset to amp up his gravely sounding voice. "HEY! NO FAINTING ON THE GYRE!"

"Let us put a stop to this, once and for all." Lars suggested.

"You don't have to tell me twice!" I played the 'Battle Cry ' solo to charge us up and I led the group of about fifty or so headbangers, and Lars, down towards the floor. "LET'S DO THIS! LEEEEEROY JENKINS!"

We had to smash our way through a few barriers, a couple of those Lionwhyte statues, and got a few more recruits before we arrived at the Gyre.

… And got that big guys attention. "TRUSTEES!" He called out. "WE ARE UNDER ATTACK! CRUSH THE INTRUDERS AND THEIR BAND OF TRAITORS! POUND THEM INTO THICK PASTE!"

"Better kiss your butt goodbye!" A 'trustee' shouted as he led his fellow garishly clad militiamen at us. Well if they wanna fight, let's give 'em one.

_**(BGM; Rock Of Ages, by DEF Leppard)**_

We engaged the first group of Hair Metal Militia and lemme tell ya, it was one wild brawl. Me and Lars mowed down several of 'em between the two of us as the rest of the boys made a mess outta 'em with their shovels hammers, pickaxes… and lots of head-butting.

After that was done I glared up at that big dude. "Is that all you got, Mittens!?" I shouted up at him. Yeah, I'm calling him Mittens. Also that got a chuckle outta Lars and a few of the headbangers.

Mittens glared back at us. "TRAITORS! ANIMALS! I'D RATHER SEE YOU DEAD THAN FREE!" He growled back. "AND YOU DARED TO CALL ME MITTENS!? WHY I OUGHTA..." He suddenly points at the Gyre. "CRIPPLE THE GRINDING GYRE! BURN THE UNGRATEFUL MAN-COGS!"

More of those Hair Metal dudes emerged from the surrounding tunnels, all armed with hammers of pick, sledge and jack persuasion. They were racing towards the Gyre's supporting columns. Doesn't take a genius to figure out what they're gonna do.

"TAKE OUT THE SUPPORTS! THE GYRE MUST FALL!" Mittens ordered.

"Edward! We have to protect the supports of the Grinding Gyre!" Lars stated. "If we are to save those men trapped on it!"

"No kidding!" I replied. I didn't like the idea of all those dudes falling into that pool of molten metal.

We raced over to the' lightning bolt' support column 'cause that's where they attacking first. We soon took down that group after a fierce fight. I took out one of those executioner dudes by shocking him with Clementine them set him on fire and chopped him up with the Separator while Lars managed to decapitate another one with Battle Cry, sending his head flying into the pool of molten metal.

Then we heard an alarm and saw two more groups race towards our column and another one. "They're attacking two supports at the same time!" One of the headbangers shouted.

"I'll take half of the men and protect this column!" Lars said. "You take the rest and go defend that other one!"

"Got it!" I replied. "WITH ME!" I led half of our headbanger army around to the 'Maltese Cross' column. I broke up their formation with a power slide and started hackin' and zappin'. Clementine was almost red-hot by the time we finished those dudes. I looked back over at Lars' group, and see they they got things under control.

"ARRRGH! BRING IT DOWN! NOW!" Mittens shouted.

I led my group over to the 'Skull' Column to protect it from the next wave. Had to take down an executioner dude while the headbangers fought the militia dudes.

"They're attacking both supports on the far side!" A headbanger shouted, pointing at the fighting going on on the other side of the pool. We ran back over and helped Lars and his headbangers defend the columns. After a wild and really messy brawl, we sent what's left of the militia packing.

But, by then quite a few of the headbangers were injured in the constant fighting. And we lost a few of them. I noticed an elevator leading up to Mittens' platform. "Lars I'm gonna go up and finish this." I said. "Can you hold the fort while I take care of this dude?"

"I think I can, Edward." Lars replied. "Make it quick. I don't how long it'll be before more reinforcements arrive."

I ran over to the elevator and took it up to Mittens…

"ENOUGH!" Mittens shouted just as I arrived at his floor. Then he heard the elevator door open and turned to face me standing there arms folded and smoking a cigarette. He flipped a switch on his headset. "You think you killed them all, don't you?" He said to me. "Well you forgot my favorites, my managers. The ones who keep all my other workers in line. The only two I know I can always count on." He raises his two large fists. "Fear... and Pain!" His right spiked had 'FEER' written on the plated knuckles, and his left knuckles had 'PANE' written on 'em. Dude musta flunked school or something.

Well, better deal with this dude. I flicked away my cigarette, took the Separator in hand and charged at Mittens. He managed to block my swing with those huge-ass fists of his. Then he countered with 'Feer', sending me flying back a good twenty feet or so. Then I had to roll outta the way when he did a jumping strike, trying to cave in my face with 'Pane'. Left a really big dent in the floor. No two ways around it, this dude was gonna be tough.

Not to mention he was pretty much shock and flame proof. Yeah he was shaking off mt guitar attacks. Need to find some to break his guard. Then I noticed those carts full of scrap metal rolling overhead, hmmm… I wonder…

I managed to get Mittens in position of one of those carts and performed the 'Earthshaker'. The shockwave caused the cart to jump the rails and down on mittens head, knocking that bastard completely silly and making him drop his guard.

I immediately waled om him with the 'Rock Kick', hacking his chest and belly with the Separator and finishing him off by kicking him right to the edge.

He teetered on the platform edge, trying to keep his insides from becoming his outsides with 'Pane' now completely red with his own blood which was pouring outta those wounds I inflicted. He switched on headset using 'Feer' as he coughed up mouthful after mouthful of his blood.

"… COUGH COUGH… GUARDS… HAK HAK… ALL… GUARDS… COUGH… CODE RED… COUGH… I REPEAT… CODE..." Then he falls off the platform. He bounced off the Gyre a couple times, causing his headset to come off and land next to Lars. And he falls into the molten metal, burning to ashes.

I took the elevator back down to rejoin the celebrating Headbangers.

"All right! Yeah!" They were shouting as I approached. Looks like they found themselves a few cases of beer. "Yay! Yeah!" I was about to help myself to a bottle when…

… It turns out we celebrated a bit too early! The doors bust open and a whole bunch of those executioner dudes came pouring out ans were stampeding right at us! And lemme tell ya, that's a lotta really big dudes!

"No way, there's too many!" One of the Headbangers said. No kidding!

"What are we gonna do?" Another asked.

"We're gonna need another army!" A third Headbanger added.

Then I noticed the headset on the ground. "Lars, I have an idea, Grab that headset and point it at me!"

"Okay..." Lars picked up the headset and aimed its microphone towards me as I unstrapped Clementine. "… But how is this going to help us?"

"Like this!" And I played the 'Battle Cry' solo right at the microphone, and whammy-barred on the last note.

The Headbangers on the Gyre suddenly stopped working. They all looked down at us, and next thing we knew they all jumped off the Gyre and joined up with us.

"Hey what took you guys so long?" A Headbanger said as we fought off the executioner dudes.

Thanks to our reinforcements, we soon defeated those dudes and sent the few remaining running off to the hills.

"Well, Lars, looks like we got ourselves an army fit for a king." I said as I wiped the blood and bits of innards off the Separator.

"Indeed..." Lars nodded as he cleaned off Battle Cry. "These men are truly valiant warriors."

I sheathed Separator and began to address our new army. "Listen up! In honer of you guys, we're calling this new army 'IRONHEADE'!" I christened our army. "...With an 'e' on the end, so people will know we're not messin' around."

"Ironheade..." One of the Headbangers replied.

"I like it." Replied another.

"Right on!" Added a third. "I don't get it."

"Edward, we need to return to Bladehenge, before Ophelia does something foolish." Lars suggested.

"Right, we still need to spring the ladies for her." I agreed, seeing as we now sprung the dudes… sort of, we can now concentrate on rescuing the ladies. "So let's get back to Bladehenge and get this army started!" I declared.

"IRONHEADE!" They all shouted.

**_***BRÜTAL VICTORY***_ **

* * *

_**(End Part 3)**_

_**Author's Notes;**_

_**Figured, for this chapter, I had Lars help Eddie with freeing the Headbangers.**_

_**Anyhoo, next chapter Eddie and Lars return to Bladehenge only to learn that, while they were away, Ophelia went and did something foolish.**_


	4. Kill Master's Mercy

_**Part 4. Kill Master's Mercy**_

* * *

_**(The Crushing Pit, following the forming of Ironheade)**_

_**(With an 'e' at the end to show that they're not fooling around))**_

_**(Eddie's point of view)**_

Lars Headed back to Bladehenge, taking several dozen of our newly liberated headbangers with him. I stayed behind with a headbanger named Jack and a few others that were, like Jack, mechanics. They were used to maintain the workings of the now shut down Gyre. I figured I should try to teach 'em to build and maintain cars. I wanted to use this place to build some transportation for our new army.

I brought the druid plow in to show 'em how a car is put together. After that we examined the car parts that they dug up. Man, I don't know how long they were down here, but they still look like they were in great shape and repairable. I assembled a car with the parts I found, fixing then as I went, and, after filling the tank with some raw moonshine I found, got it to run. Drove it around the pit a few times, then let Jack and his friends try it, After quite a bit of driver's ed by yours truly.

Not sure how long I was down there teaching the mechanics how to build and drive these cars and trucks we've been diggin up and putting back together. Must've been a dew days… maybe a week. We've even managed to unearth a dozen or so really big buses. Mangus showed up while we were digging up one the larger buses. Took quite an interest in it, so I spent a day teaching him how to drive.

Eventually I decided to head back to Bladehenge. Made my way up to the entrance, summoned the druid plow, hopped in and was on my way… While listening to Megadeth's 'High Speed Drift'...

Met a few groups of headbangers out on patrol. Well that's what they're telling me.

Along the way I noticed this stone ramp and ahead of it was this swarm of… silver bugs? Something tells me that I should try jumping through those. So I hit the nitro, raced up the ramp, and flew through the swarm of silver bugs. Is it just me or did I hear some...cheering. Came across a few more ramps and did the same stunt again… Still kept hearing that cheering… I wonder…

Anyway it wasn't long before I arrived at Bladehenge and parked next to a truck I help build a few days ago. Kinda looked like a 6X6 cargo truck with a 1939 ford truck cab and grill powered by a V8 hot rod engine. Shortly after I entered through the north gate, I saw Lars and Lita talking with a few of the headbanger mechanics that I was teaching driving to back at the pit.

"I see you guys already met Lars and Lita…" I said to the headbangers as I showed 'em Lars and Lita.

"Yeah, dude…" One of them replied. "We were in another part of the pit when we heard that Mittens kicked it. Just came here yesterday."

Then I noticed that… "...Ophelia…?" was nowhere to be seen. "Hey, Lars, where is... where's ol' Ophs anyway?"

"I'm afraid that she left for the Pleasure Tower while we were freeing the Headbangers." Lars answered. "Lita told me she sneaked out during the night."

"There's a good chance she's probably impaled by now." Lita added.

"FUCK!" I swore. "We told her to wait! Which way is the Pleasure Tower, you two!?" I asked. "We gotta go…"

But before I could finish, we heard a whinny of a raptor elk coming from the north gate. We headed to the gateway to see that Ophelia had just returned. She was panting heavily and slumped forward on the saddle, her face showed that she was in a lotta pain. Not to mention she was clutching her left side and there was blood running down her leg. She looked like she was about to fall off.

"Uh oh." I started to run towards her

"OPHELIA!" Lars yelled as ran past me and caught her just as she slipped off the saddle. He layed her on the ground as Lita took the reins of the raptor elk.

"Oh no…! You didn't try to free the girls too did you?" Lars asked.

"No…" Ophelia moaned shaking her head. "...They're...They're already free… ngh…"

Lars picked her up off the ground. "We have to take her to the Kill Master." He stated.

"Lars no." Lita stepped in front of him blocking his way. "Lionwhyte knows about us now. We have to lay low." She warned.

"Out of my way." Lars replied and pushed past Lita.

Lita looked at me. "You have to stop him, please." She begged.

"Stop him, I'm gonna give him a lift.' I replied. "But first.. Hey Lars hold on. How far is it to this Kill Master dude?"

"About half a days ride as the crow flies." Lars replied.

"We need to get that bleeding stopped first or she ain't gonna make it." I replied. "I know some first aid. Get me a bowl, some strips of cloth and something to disinfect 'em with. Moonshine'll do."

The headbangers brought over some strips of cloth and a jug of moonshine and a bowl. I poured the moonshine into the bowl, and place the cloth strips in to get 'em disinfected. Also I poured some 'shine on my hands to clean and disinfect 'em. I pulled Ophelia's shirt back to have a look at the wound… Oh man… that doesn't look good, pretty deep looking too. Doesn't look like there's any thing stuck in there. Okay… I took a large strip out of the bowl, folded it to cover the wound.

"Okay, you two hold her still…" I ordered two of the headbangers. "Ophelia, this is gonna sting a bit." I warned Ophelia.

The headbangers held her still as I began to dress the wound. "AAAAAH!" Ophelia yelled. I kept the bandage pressed down as I wound a long strip around her waist to keep it still. Once that was done and the bleeding was stopped, I immediately crafted a stretcher from a couple of chrome plated poles and an animal hide large enough to put Ophelia on. Then I had two headbangers put her on the stretcher and load her on the truck.

"You two make sure she stays steady." I said and I climbed into the cab.

"Got it." One of the headbangers replied.

Lars and Lita joined me in the cab. "Lita? You're coming with?" I asked as I started up the truck.

"If I can't stop you two from from going, I can, at least stop you two from getting killed." Lita answered.

Then a group of headbangers came running towards us. "We heard Ophelia was in trouble!" One of 'em shouted.

"We're here to help!" Said another.

"We're not going all the way, though!" Said a third.

"He's afraid of the Kill Master." Said a fourth.

"Are you guys really going to see the Kill Master?" A fifth one asked.

"Yeah we are!" I answered. "Hop in the back…" I thumbed back to the cargo box where Ophelia and her two stretcher bearers were. "Plenty of room." Something tells me we're gonna need all the help we can get. They all climbed aboard and we set off north, following Lars's directions, towards Mt Thunderhorn…

* * *

_**(The base of Mt Thunderhorn, a long slow drive later)**_

We parked the truck at the gateway to the trail leading up the mountain that's shaped like the head of a bearded giant. We got out and unloaded Ophelia from the back of the truck. "Edward! How is she?" Lars asked as I examined her.

"Not good…" I replied. "She's fading." Oh man, she must be bleeding internally.

"As I said earlier, we need to take her to… The Kill Master." Lars stated as he looked up the trail.

"Kill Master?" I asked. "I've been meaning to ask, but what kinda name is that for a healer? If that's what he is."

"Do not fear hin." Lars replied. "He chooses that name... To scare off intruders…

"Oh."

Lars continues. "...And to protect his flock...Of giant spiders." Wait what!? Giant spiders!?

"He is a powerful healer." Lars declared.

"Alright, Let's take Ophelia to him right now!" I said.

"Agreed, Edward, we must hurry." Lars nodded. Then we got back aboard the truck and started up the trail...

_**(BGM; Believer, by Ozzy Osbourne)**_

As we slowly approached the first turn, a group of hairbangers suddenly appeared. They immediately set up a shield wall that blocked the road from one side to the other and they were waving their axes and swords and spears.

One of 'en stepped forward. "By order of General Lionwhyte, anyone not with the Hair Metal Militia or the Tainted Coil is hereby forbidden to see the Kill Master." He declared. "All you grease bag trespassers are to turn back now or be put to death!"

"Oh, shit. They've been practicing." I said I got out of the truck. "And I don't think they're gonna let us pass without a fight."

"Agreed, Edward…" Lars drew out Battle Cry and Lita was twirling her Halberd. "Let's not disappoint them."

Most of the headbangers jumped out of the back of the truck and formed up on us, weapons and shields ready.

"Right then…" I got Clementine ready. "Let's do it!" I played the battle cry solo to charge up my group and we charged at the hairbangers. I ran straight at the centre of their shield wall and crashed through using the 'Power Slide'. Then I switched over to the Separator just as Lars and the others poured through the gap and started chopping up hairbangers…

We managed to slaughter half of 'em before the rest broke and ran up the trail. "You're gonna pay for this you fucking grease bags!" One of 'em shouted before he ran around the corner and out of sight.

"Okay, that enough of that…" I waved back to the truck, signaling the driver to come forward. "Let's keep moving…" We kept formation ahead of the truck containing Ophelia as we continued on up the mountain…

_**XXX**_

After about a couple of hours, we were soon halfway up the mountain. That was when…

"Danger ahead!" Lars shouted as we saw another group of hairbangers come charging down the trail.

"Keep 'em away from the truck!" I ordered as I chopped a hairbanger in two. Then I set two more on fire with a 'Pyro' chord. Man they really blazed up, and they roasted another three as they were thrashing about trying to put themselves out. Must be all that hairspray they were using.

"Let's send them back to Lionwhyte in a box!" Lita ran one of 'em through with her halberd. She eviscerated a second one with a swing. Blood was going all over the place.

It wasn't long before we clobbered those dudes. "We must keep going." Lars said as he decapitated a hairbanger with his sword. And ran another one through.

As we made our way around the next corner, we ran into… A bunch of those freaky S&M demonesses wearing bird masks waiting on a ledge overlooking the trail. They were, with their long tails whipping some fat dude with a bunch of spears stuck in him and he was also dressed in really tight S&M wear, including a red gag ball… Yeesh.

Just what the fuck is with these demons and S&M…? Seriously…!

"Hey! HEY!" I shouted up at those demonesses. "Leave that guy alone!" Then those demonesses pull some of those spears outta that fat dude… And aimed 'em at me! "Uh oh!" Me and my big fucking mouth!

"Stand still and be punished!" One of the demonesses shouted as she threw a spear at me. I barely manage to dodge it as it whizzed passes my head, missing it by inches. The others start pulling out spears and throwing 'em at us! We all had to duck behind some boulders and the truck to avoid getting hit!

"You are not to run when we are punishing you!"

"Round them up for punishment!"

Two of our headbangers, however were skewered clean through their hearts. Dead before they hit the ground. Dammit!

"Two have been punished, my sisters!"

"Dammit! They got us pinned down!" Lita shouted as she hid behind the truck. "Too much open ground between us and them!"

"Not to mention we don't have any ranged weapons to counter them." Lars added while he hid beside me behind a boulder.

Ranged weapon…? Wait a sec… We have a ranged weapon… Clementine. I unstrapped her, then I took a quick look over the boulder to see where those demonesses are at. Had to duck down to avoid a spear in the face.

"Okay then, my turn…" I started playing on Clementine, sending shockers, pyro, and a couple of shock-bombs and roman candles. in their general direction. We all heard their screams as they were either shocked or burned to a crisp. Once things got quiet. I peered over the top of the boulder. Looks like I got 'em all. Only one left was that fat dude… Who pulls out a spear from his body and skewers himself with it causing him to explode into big chunks of red flesh and guts covering the platform they were on in blood. What a mess.

Anyway, we continued on up the trail. We suddenly get ambushed by more hairbangers and a couple of bouncers 'bout a mile or so up the road from where we ran into those S&M demons. Me, Lars,,Lita, and the headbangers managed to kick their striped and polka-dotted spandex wearing asses… and their butts too…

We were almost to the top when we felt the ground shake. We all had to pile onto the truck when we saw this large…

_**..."STAMPEDE!"…**_

...Of raptor elks come charging full tilt down the hill at us!

We watched as the herd thundered around our truck. Some of them slammed up against the sides of the truck almost knocking it over. After a few minutes, the herd of raptor elks finished stampeding around our truck and continued thundering on down the trail. We continued onwards after we had to repair a couple of punctured tires...

_**XXX**_

As we drove up to a turn I noticed another group of spear throwing demonesses and their fat pincushion boy toy. "Gross disgusting mutants." I said as I got out of the cab. "Wait right here everybody, I'll go take care of…"

But I was suddenly interrupted by. "There they are! Get those traitors!" A squad of hairbangers rushing down the hill at us.

And, wouldn't you know it, it alerted those demonesses. "Intruders! Punish them, my sisters!" They started throwing spears at the truck!

"Take care of those demons, Edward!" Lars vaulted out of the back of the truck along with Lita and the headbangers. "We'll deal with the harbingers!"

As Lars and the crew fought the loyalists. I took out the demonesses with some pyro and shock bombs. Once that was done, you guessed it, the fat dude self destructed…

When all was said and done, we lost another three headbangers, one to the militia and two to those demonesses. Including me, Lars, Lita, and Ophelia we were now down to seven. Not only that, one of the spears punctured the truck's engine block. I'm afraid that's it for our ride. Looks like we're walking the rest of the way…

_**XXX**_

As we carried Ophelia on up the hill, we had to avoid another stampede, and we ran into two more groups of those demonesses…

And by the time we were done.. well… We lost all of our headbangers. But we finally reached the top of the Thunderhorn.

"How's Ophelia holding up?" I asked Lars as he and Lita now carried her stretcher.

"Still breathing…" Lars answered. But I don't know how much longer."

"I hope this is all worth it." Lita added. "We lost ten good men getting up here."

Don't remind me. "I know… We need to find some way to better protect our dudes from those demonesses. Maybe better armor and spear-proof shields."

"….Or maybe… A team of counter shooters… nngh…" Ophelia moaned.

"Take it easy, Ophelia." I replied. "Let's see about getting you healed first…"

We entered a cave that looked like a mouth beneath a huge mustache. I had my axe out just in case. Once our eyes adjusted to the gloom. We saw a temple carved into the rock. In the centre of the temple was an altar surrounded by speakers. On both sides of the temple, I saw all those biker dudes sitting on couches and looking us over. Well they're human. There were numerous silver webs on the ceiling above us with many of the strings leading down the skull and this guitar like instrument on top.

As Lars placed Ophelia on the altar I looked up at the big animal skull at the back centre of the temple. Resting on the seat above it smoking a cigarette…

Oh my god… That… That can't fucking be… Lemmy Kilmister!? But he died… A few years ago! How…?

He looks down on us. "Ah what the hell?" Oh fuck me, he even sounds like Lemmy!

"Noble Kill Master. This woman…" Lars began to address… Um… Lemmy's ghost?

"Didn't you see the signs, Lars?" 'Lemmy' interrupted. "We don't like visitors up here."

"I know, Kill Master." Lars replied. "But she's dying."

"Yeah, So what's her excuse?" 'Lemmy' replied.

Then Lars got down on his knee, head held low. "I beg of you, heal this woman who only wanted to free her sisters from the grip of general Lionwhyte…"

"Oh you're fighting Lionwhyte?" 'Lemmy" adjusted his cowboy hat. "Why didn't you say so? I hate that bastard. Especially since he posted his goons on my mountain. Not to mention taking some of my guys to serve as his personal healers. Not to mention my crops of spider strings"

"We fought them on our way up here." Lars stated. "We lost many good men to get here. Mostly to those demonesses."

"You mean the 'punishing parties'?" 'Lemmy' asked. "You managed to get rid of them too? Color me impressed."

"He did…" Lars looked at me. "His guitar has powerful magic abilities that enabled him to strike down the demonesses with lightning and fire."

"Well well…" 'Lemmy' looked at me. "But first thing's first…" He gets up, cracks his knuckles and rubs his hands together as he walked up to this big guitar like instrument. Well, that's how I can best describe that thing. "Let's see now…"

And he starts playing… It sounded like he was playing a really big bass guitar. We all felt and heard the deep bass tones of that instrument as they resonated throughout the cave. The speakers surrounding Ophelia were thrumming and vibrating to the notes.

"What's happening?" I asked.

"People are pissing me off, for one." 'Lemmy' replied as he continued to play.

"Is she dead?" Lita asked just as 'Lemmy' stopped playing.

"Not yet but soon." 'Lemmy' answered. "Sorry, but these are the heaviest strings I got."

"Can't your spiders spin new strings?" Lars desperately asked. "Thicker strings!?"

"My little darlings here?" 'Lemmy' said as several of those silver spiders scuttled about. "No." Then he looks up at this big spider exoskeleton mounted above his couch. "The Metal Queen who shed hide here onced belonged to, is big enough to spin the kind of strings you need… But we don't go into her lair anymore… Lest she bite us in half, suck out our innards like a milkshake, and lay her eggs in our eye sockets."

...*shudder*…

"...And she used to be a lot nicer too. Not too sure what happened to get her this pissed at us." 'Lemmy' finished.

"I'm going!" Lars declared. Then he turned around to go down the trail only to…

Be blocked by Lita. "Then you'll both be dead. And what good is that?" She said, a tone of worry on her voice.

"I've got to get those strings, Lita." Lars sternly replied.

"No, Lars…" Lita placed her hand on his shoulder. "Listen, you have to let her go."

Lars just glared back. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"What!?" Lita gasped.

Me? I just cautiously backed away. I had a feeling that I know this was going to… And I was right; Lars and Lita started arguing and I didn't want to be caught up in a sibling spat.

Lars; "Sometimes I think you love to see her gone."

Lita: "Well this isn't the first time her adventures have gotten us into trouble."

Personally I'd rather walk into a spider's nest then get involved in this family squabble.

Lars" She is fighting for the future of our people."

Lita: "I think she's just trying to make up for her past."

Lars: "What past?"

Lita: "You heard the same rumors I did."

Lars: "And what of it? That was a long time ago."

Lita: "Her parents were Tear Drinkers, Lars. I mean eww."

Lars: "What of it?"

Lita: "Which means she's probably one too."

Lars: "I will not hear another word."

Lita; "She can't be trusted, brother!"

Lars; "lower your voice."

Their arguing soon became incoherent, And I couldn't make out anything more they were saying. But from what I heard, there's something fishy about Ophelia's past. Worry about that later.

"So...Um… Anybody want to come with me to the lair of the Metal Queen?" I asked the nearby biker dudes. "Anybody?" No reply. "'Cause that's where I'm headed… Alone."

I summoned the Druid Plow and was about to hop in and take off when… "Do you know where her lair is to, buddy?" 'Lemmy, with a bass guitar and a sledge hammer strapped to his back ' said as he casually approached. "You look like you're not from around here, aren't you."

"Um… Not really actually." I replied.

"I see…" 'Lemmy' stroked his mustache. "Ah well I guess I should come with. Those two back there…" He thumbs back towards the still arguing Lars and Lita. "...Are kinda getting' on my nerves."

"But shouldn't you be…"

"Taking care of her? Don't worry 'bout that." 'Lemmy' replied. "My Thunderhogs'll keep the beat goin' keep her stable till we get back...If we get back." I looked back and saw one of those biker...I mean thunderhogs playing away on that bass instrument. "So let's get going, um… What's your name anyway?"

"Eddie Riggs." I answered.

"Kill Master." 'Lemmy' uh, I mean Kill Master hops into the passenger seat. "Well That's what everyone calls me these days."

I hop into the driver's seat, put the Druid Plow in gear and we headed back down the mountain… Next stop; the Metal Queen's lair..

...Why do I get the feeling I'm gonna have eggs laid in my eye sockets before this is over…?...*shudder*…

* * *

_**End Part 4**_

_**Authors Notes:**_

_**...Ian Fraser 'Lemmy' Kilmister…**_

_**Lead singer/bassist,**_

_**Mot**__**ö**__**rhead**_

_**...1945-2015...**_

_**Next chapter, Eddie and the Kill Master discuss the latter's resemblance to the late Lemmy Kilmister as they drive to the Metal Queen's lair. Then they enter said lair to find the essential strings… And knock some sense into the now berserk Metal Queen.**_


	5. Lair Of The Metal Queen

_**Part 5. Lair Of The Metal Queen**_

* * *

_**(Mt Thunderhorn, Driving to the Metal queen's lair)**_

_**(Eddie's point of view)**_

Well, I'm driving back down the Thunderhorn, heading out to the Metal Queen's place to get some new strings so that the Kill Master can save Ophelia. The Mouth of Metal was now playing 'Queen of Fire' by Ostrogoth. Night was starting to fall. Wonder what kind of cool sky we'll be getting tonight?

I glance over at my passenger, the Kill Master, who wanted to guide me to the Metal Queen. Oh man, I can't get over how much he looked like the late Lemmy back home. He looked just like him...Even down to the warts on his face.

"Something on your mind, Eddie?" Kill Master asked. "You've been looking at me funny since I got into this...um...mine cart of yours. Something wrong with my face? Must be those two warts on my mug. Been meaning to get rid of 'em for a while now."

"It's not the warts, Kill Master…" I replied as we turned a corner, "...It's just…. How do I put this… You look and sound like someone I knew back home… Only he's been dead for a few years now."

"Really…?" Kill Master said. "Who was this dude that I look and sound like?" He asked.

So I answered. "...Sigh… His name was Ian Fraser Kilmister, A lead singer and bassist for the band 'Motörhead'. But he preferred to call himself 'Lemmy'."

"Is that so…?" Kill Master stroked his mustache. "I didn't know I had a double of me out there… Or is it the other way around…?"

"I wonder if I'm dead.' I pondered. "And this is the rock 'n' roll afterlife?"

"I don't think so…" Kill Master replied. "I've been living here for several decades… since I was a baby… Hell, I knew Lars and Lita since they were kids… Robbie too… I'll admit, I haven't seen 'em in a while. 'Specially Robbie." Robbie?

"So you're just as old… and having been living here since you were born…" I replied. "You're lookin' good for your age."

"Yeah, thanks I guess." Kill Master replied. "Interestingly enough, my name is also Lemmy, but my last name is Frazier, spelled with a z and an i. Thought you oughta now, but I prefer to be called Kill Master."

"Fair enough." I replied.

We drove by some of the places where we fought the Hair Metal Militia and those demons, as well as our wrecked truck. Gonna need to give our fallen comrades a burial as well as try to recover the truck so I can fix it. Kill Master commented on what a mess it was all was. "You can take your own for burial…" Kill Master said. "We'll just give the rest to the tollusks."

Hmmm… what's a tollusk…?

Anyway, we reached the foot of the mountain. Kill Master told me to turn north and follow the highway. Is it just me, or do all those spruce trees have big chrome plated spears for trunks? We drove past a sunken motor forge entrance. Raise that relic later, right now, we need those strings.

As we approached our destination, We noticed a glowing tab slab. "Huh? What's the deal with that slab?" Kill Master asked. "Never seen it do that before."

"I might have something to do with it." I replied as I brought the Druid Plow to a stop next to the tab slab and we got out. "They started glowing when I was brought here. Tell you and the Thunderhogs later, after we save Ophelia."

"Right."

I approached the tab slab and read the notes as the skull rose up. "Let me see here...Weedle...Deedle… Oh so this solo's called the…

_**...Facemelter…**_

_**...Create a massive shockwave to melt your enemies face…**_

_**...**__**Don't look, Marion! Don't look!**__**...**_

"Well that oughta com in handy." I said to myself.

At that moment, almost as if on cue, a squad of hairbangers showed up. "There he is! Get 'im!" One of them shouted, and they rushed at us, swords and axes drawn.

I think this is as good a time as any to try out this new solo. So I pulled out Clementine and played the Facemelter… Woah… It looked like their faces were melting off their skulls, kinda like what happened to those nazi dudes in 'Raiders Of The Lost Ark'. All five of 'em collapsed to the ground, dead as disco.

"Well I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of that, yuck." Kill Master commented on the mess I just made. "So your guitar can summon that…(looks at Druid Plow) mine cart we just rode in on and melt faces, huh?"

"Yeah…" I replied. "Not to mention she can cast lightning, set dudes on fire, blow 'em up, and cause earthquakes…" I showed him my guitar. "Her name's Clementine, by the way and…" I thumb over my shoulder at my car. "And that's the Deuce, AKA the Druid Plow. I'll explain how I got her later."

Kill master examined Clementine from headstock to body. "Nice bit of kit you got there…" He commented. "Six string setup… Ebony body and headstock… Cherry neck… Looks like local wood... Nice… Strings look a bit frayed I'm afraid. You're gonna need to replace 'em." He handed back Clementine. I looked at the strings, he's right, they look pretty beat up. Don't know how many solos they got left.

"Well we're not far from the lair's gateway now." Kill Master looked in the direction of the gateway. "...Follow me."

As we approached the gateway, we met this lone thunder hog guarding the pass. "I'm headed into the lair of the giant spider queen." I said to him. "Anybody got a problem with that?"

And his reply was… "Nope."

"My friend's dying. I'm heading in there right now." I said.

And he replied with… "Sure go right on ahead."

"You sure you don't want to talk me outta it? No?" I asked.

"Why do I want to…?" He replied. "You want to head on in, go right on ahead. Hey, it's your life, dude."

"Okay…" I replied. And me and the Kill master walked past him, through the gateway, and into the lair.

"Good luck, dude… Boss…"

* * *

_**(The Metal Queen's Lair)**_

We walked down this pathway that was surrounded on both sides by cliffs and pillars. Overhead, large chains and rock slabs stretched across connecting the pillars, occasionally used as walkways by those silver spiders.

We soon entered an open area. There were rock carvings that almost looked viking-like… You know, carved by ancient vikings. We saw several silver spiderwebs as the fog began to close in. We also saw several wrapped cocoons of various sizes hanging from said webs. Some of 'em were still wriggling.

I pulled out my axe to cut open one of those cocoons to try to free whoever's trapped inside. But Kill Master stopped me by placing his on my shoulder. "Don't cut 'em." He warned.

"But…" I started to object.

"They're more likely to be full of baby spiders chowing down in whoever's wrapped up in here." Kill Master warned. "And they'll just as easily swarm over you and strip you to the bone. Besides I'm certain those were Lionwhyte loyalists or demons wrapped up in there. Best to keep moving… Sure are a lot of 'em that's for sure."

"Right." I agreed. And we pressed on deeper into the canyon…

_**XXX**_

As we pressed on, I noticed a lot more webs stretching overhead, and the fog was getting thicker. Then we heard some hissing noises up ahead… Out of the fog scuttled several large silver spiders, eyes glowing red.

"Who dared to enter our domain?" One of them asked. Waitaminute… They can talk…!?

"Did I mention that the large one can talk?" Kill Master said to me. Oh now he tells me.

"Kill Master…" One of the spiders addressed. "You dare to return here…? After our sovereign queen had declared that you and your Thunderhogs to be enemies of our domain. To be killed and consumed by her children and you to be bitten in twain and consumed by her highness herself."

"Yeah, I'm kinda here to see her…" Kill master replied. "Need to get me some new strings… Maybe find out why she's acting all bitchy and stuff."

"Oh, you will find out, Kill Master…" The lead spider said, pointing one of his forelegs at him. "...Once we bring you to her so that she may bite you in two, suck out your innards and use your skull as a breeding chamber for our future brothers and sisters… IN THE NAME OF THE METAL QUEEN! SEIZE THEM!"

One on 'em jumped at me and ensnared me in its limbs. I was trying to keep it from biting into my neck! "Get the fuck offa me you eight legged…"

...*WHAM*…

"...freak…?" I said just as Kill Master knocked it off of me and sent it flying into a wall. I was about to pull out clementine to shock the remaining two… Um make that one. Looks like Kill master clobbered the one that tried to grab him with that sledge hammer of his.

"Save your strings, Eddie! I've got this git…" He breaks out his bass guitar, and does an earthshaker that causes a powerful, and loud, shockwave that sends the remaining spider flying.

"WAIT TIL OUR QUEEN HEARS OF THIS!" The last spider shouted as he flew outta sight.

"I got a feeling she already has." Kill Master strapped his guitar and hammer onto his back. "You okay?" He asked me.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I answered. "Man those things are fast."

"No kidding…" Kill Master replied. "You gotta have good reflexes when dealing with those dudes. Let's keep moving. Lair shouldn't be too far ahead."

We continued on deeper into the lair. We fought another group of silver spiders. Kill Master shocked two of 'em while I chopped another three into a buncha spider parts. Found out that blocking 'em when they jump at ya stuns 'em long enough for me to finish 'em off with the good ol' Separator.

It wasn't long before we made our way into a large clearing. At the far end we see this large web with large runes woven into it. Man that web would make for a really cool album cover. Not to mention it looked like it has just the strings we needed.

"These the strings you looking for?" I asked.

"That's them…" Kill Master nodded. We approached the web. "Doesn't look like her highness is around…" He looked left and right. "Let's get the strings and scram before she…"

"KILL MASTER…" A loud haughty sounding female voice shouted, Interrupting Kill Master.

"...Shows up… Oh great… Just great." Kill master and me look in the direction that new voice came from, And were face to face with one fucking huge silver spider! She glared down at us with her six glowing red eyes. Her silver exoskeleton was dressed black studded latex strips that looked pretty… S&Mish… "Look who just showed up."

"So, Kill Master…" The giant spider spoke. "You dare to enter my domain, despite my royal decree that you and your Thunderhogs are forbidden to enter on pain of death and consumption."

"Hey there, Metal Queen…" Kill Master greeted back. "Long time no see. That a new look? Didn't know you were into S&M."

"SILENCE!" The metal Queen shouted back. "I know why you've come to this place. You clearly wish to take my strings. For that crime, both you and that Thunderhog accompanying you shall die at my fangs and your skulls will make fine brood chambers."

She thinks I'm a Thunderhog? "Hey woa there…" I replied. "Okay, we would've asked nicely for some of your giant strings… But it's clear to us now that you don't strike us as the negotiating type, so out of respect, I'll just right to the ass- kicking." I smacked my fist into my palm to show that I meant business and pulled out the separator…

"So be it…" The Metal Queen "… MY MISTRALS! PLAY ME SOMETHING APPROPRIATE AS I BITE THOSE TWO FOOLS IN HALF, CONSUME THEIR INNARDS, AND LAY MY EGGS IN THEIR EYE SOCKETS!"...*shudder*...

Then we saw this band of silver spiders up on this ledge take up their instruments. "As you wish, your majesty.." The...lead singer bowed as he readied this wicked looking twin headed 12 string guitar and adjusted his microphone. "And I know just the song for the occasion! Follow my lead boys!" He began strumming that guitar… If I didn't know any better I could've sworn he was playing the intro to…

_**(BGM; Cry Of The Banshee by Brocas Helm)**_

Holy shit! They really are playing Brocas Helm's 'Cry Of The Banshee'! And, oh man, Those spiders are fucking awesome! But that's not what's on my mind right now…

...'Cause right now, me and Kill master suddenly had to dodge left and right respectively to avoid those slashing forelegs of hers. I managed to get behind her and tried to whack her abdomen with the separator… only to have her suddenly spin around and whack me with her right forelimb, sending me flying across the clearing.

Then she started spitting liquid chrome at me. I managed to dodge the spit, then I noticed that it was eating into the rock behind me.

Just then, Kill Master let loose an earthshaker with his bass guitar, knocking the Metal Queen off balance. Which caused her… Um… Headdress I think to fall off, revealing some kind of device on her head, Looked like a pair of rusty engines covered in S&M paraphernalia attached to her head.

"What the…" Kill Master said when he noticed that contraption. Then he played his own version of the shocker solo electrocuting the device and stunned the Metal Queen. Then he rushed up to her and, with his sledgehammer, started whacking at that contraption on her back as though he was trying to knock it off. He only got about three or four whacks in before the Metal Queen suddenly got back on her eight legs and swatted him across the floor.

"HOW DARE YOU YOU ATTACK MY REGAL PERSON WITH SUCH A CRUDE HAMMER!" The metal Queen bellowed than she spat several globs of that chrome venom at him. Kill Master managed to doge the spit. Then The Metal Queen leaped clear across the clearing and seizes him in her forelimbs. "Now you shall…"

Well she never got to finish due to yours truly distracting her with a shocker solo.

"EEGOBBLIGOBBLIGOBBLIGOBBLI...!" The metal Queen shook violently from Clementine's electricity coursing through her, making her release Kill Master. "Why you…" She turned to face me. "You wish to die first? SO BE IT!"

"EDDIE! You saw that weird device on her head?" Kill Master shouted. "Get it offa her! I think it's controlling her and making her act like that!"

"Oh shut up!" The metal Queen spun around, Grabbed Kill Master again and wrapped him up in a cocoon of silver strings and attached him to the wall. "I'll end you in a moment, Kill Master. Once I deal with your lackey!" Then she went after me, jumping towards me. I had to block her with the separator to keep her from impaling me with those wicked forelimbs..

For the next few minutes we fought back and forth. The metal Queen with her forelimbs, mandibles, venom spit, silver nets and sometimes siccing her soldiers at me while she rested on her web to catch her breath. And me largely using the Separator on her, but only leaving scratches on her body. Her soldiers, however weren't as tough as she was, but, man, were they fast.

And all the while that band of spiders were still playing 'Cry Of The Banshee'.

It was just after I took care of the second wave of soldiers that the Metal Queen leaped from her web and landed in front of me ready to lance me with her forelimbs. But this time, instead of the Separator, I had Clementine out. I played my best shocker solo ever, completely jolting her with raw lightning, and completely destroying my strings in the process, causing her fall on her face and expose that ugly looking device on her head. Up close I could tell that it definitely did not belong on her. So I hacked away at with the Separator. Unlike the rest of her body, my axe was doing serious damage to it. Sparks were flying and high pressure black goo was squirting out from the deep cuts I left in it.

Then it exploded clean off of her, knocking me on my back. The metal Queen got back up on her limbs, let out an ear piercing wail… Like a Banshee… and collapsed back down in front of me in a loud thud. Her red eyed had gone completely black.

...Oh yeah, and that band wrapped up their song…

I ran over to where Kill master was and cut him free. We turned around to see the Metal Queen's eyes light back up again.. only this time...they were blue. "Uuugh…" She moaned as regained her feet. "What… what happened…?" She rubbed her forehead. "Huh…? Why am I all scratched up…? And why am I wearing… S&M gear…?" Then she noticed us. "Huh? Kill Master? When did you show up? And where did Doviculus and Lionwhyte go?" Wait a minute? Did she just say Doviculus and Lionwhyte? "Huh… What happened to my soldiers!?" That's when she noticed a bunch of legless soldiers flopping around on the floor.

"Um… Metal Queen…" Kill Master said. "What was the last thing you remember? You mentioned Doviculus and Lionwhyte. What were they doing there."

The metal Queen rubbed her mandibles with her right forelimb as she pondered in thought. Then she answered. "Hmmm...Ah yes… The two of them showed up at the main gate and requested an audience with me. So I invited them in to hear what they had to propose. They wanted me and my subjects to supply the Tainted Coil and the newly formed Hair Metal Militia with strings, and sever my alliance with you and Riggnarok."

There's that name again.

"Riggnarok you say… So did you?" Kill Master asked.

"No." The metal Queen answered. "I told them that I would not break my agreement with you, nor shall I give my strings to them. Then Doviculus replied 'I see… I suppose your proposal…' Next thing I knew I felt something take my headdress off and I felt something...tainted land on my head. '...Is acceptable…' Then I suddenly felt… strange… I felt jolts and I blacked out. Next thing I knew is seeing you here… along with this stranger. I'm wearing all this kinky bondage apparel… And several of my soldiers are flopping around legless."

"Hey there, for the record…" I interrupted. "You did sic them at me while you were trying to kill me and Kill Master here."

"I...I did…?" The Metal Queen asked. "Is this true?"

" 'Fraid so, luv." Kill Master answered. "Not to mention you swore to bite me in half, eat my innards, and lay eggs in my sockets if I ever showed up here…. Which was roughly 30 years ago."

"30 years…!?" The metal queen gasped. "Well… I suppose that might explain why you look a bit...older all of a sudden."

"Was that how long that was on your noggin?" I asked, pointing the separator at that pile of smoking scrap I recently hacked off her head.

The Metal Queen looked at said scrap pile. "So… That what that demon did… He and Lionwhyte must have used it to control my mind… Make me loyal to them… And share in their unclean tastes. I'm rather surprised I didn't have a rubber gag ball wedged between my mandibles… Ugh… I do suppose I should thank you both for freeing me from their foul influence. And, might I ask, What has brought you here, Kill Master?"

"We need to get some of your strings." Kill Master answered.

"My strings." The Metal queen asked.

"We need 'em so I can heal up this chick that this guy, Lars and Lita brought to my pad to be healed." Kill master answered. "My spiders can't make 'em thick enough for me to heal her injuries."

"I see, Kill Master."

"So can we have 'Em, please?" Kill Master asked politely.

"You shall have them." The Metal Queen answered. "Just give me a moment or two to spin the strings you require…" Then she began to spin out a spool of her webbing using her forelimbs to draw it from her spinnerets while casually humming away a tune. After a few minutes, she placed a decent size spool of her thread in front of us. "Here you are."

"Thanks, your highness." Kill Master bowed slightly. "I'll put it to good use."

"I'm certain you will." The Metal Queen replied.

"Oh man…" I suddenly realized. "We may have finally gotten the strings, but it took way too much time. If we're gonna get these strings back to your place in time, Kill Master, We're gonna have to BOOK!"

"I know, Eddie…" Kill Master agreed. "Think you can summon your… Hey, hold on…" Then he noticed something in the webs. "Is that my trike?" He noticed this three wheeled motorcycle half buried in a web cocoon. "I was wondering what happened to it."

"How did that end up here?" The Metal Queen asked. "No matter… If I took it from you, I now return it."

Okay… So I used the Separator to free the trike from the webbing and gave it a quick check… Look pretty good for being buried in webbing for a few decades. Even has a mouth of metal radio. "Looks like she just needs some fresh fuel" I said.

Then one of the spiders came up to me holding a large jug of moonshine. "Will this do?" He asked, giving me the jug. I poured the 'shine into the tank and, after a few moments of turning the engine over, we finally got it to start. Well it ain't pretty. Let's hope it's fast.

We loaded up the strings. Kill Master hook the handlebars as I got myself in the rear seat. He gunned the throttle and peeled on outta there as the trike's mouth of metal played…

_**(BGM; Road Racing by Riot)**_

Well I did hope that was fast, and sure enough, with Kill Master at the handlebars, that big old trike was. Despite carrying two grown dudes, and a big spool of the Metal Queen's strings. We raced up a reasonably wide pathway and ramped out and onto the main road leading back to Mt Thunderhorn. In moments we drove back up the twisting pathway and returned to the Thunderhogs lair. And, would you believe, Lars and Lita were still arguing. They stopped arguing when they heard us roll up.

"Edward… Where have you and the Kill Master been?" Lars asked.

"Oh, nowhere special…" I replied as we got off the trike. "Just visiting the Metal Queen, got her to come to her senses. Oh yeah, we got this here spool of thick spider strings from her as a gift." I thumbed back to the spool in question.

Oh man the, the look on their faces… Heh heh heh…

It didn't too long for Kill Master to re-wire his healing instrument with the new strings. "Nice…" He ran his hands up and down the strings. "Thick as a baby's arm."

Me, Lars and Lita stood around Ophelia as she still laid on the healing altar. Oh man… She's not lookin good, lemme tell you.

Kill Master cracked his fingers and knuckles and began to play. Woah… The healing tunes he now played sounded more deeper and stronger than last time. Ophelia began to glow and bright sparkles rose from her as the wounds disappeared from her body.

Then Ophelia slowly opened her eyes. "Lars…" She looked at Lars as he stood over her. "I can always count on you, can't I?"

"I'm afraid I can't take the credit for this …" Lars shook his head. "Edward and the Kill Master were the ones who retrieved the strings needed to heal you. It's them you should thank, not me."

"Eddie…?" Ophelia asked.

"Yeah… I got the strings." I answered.

"I see… Thank you…" Ophelia smiled.

"Hey, you're welcome…" Then I turned my attention to Kill Master. "You know, we could really use guys like you and your men in our band." I said to him. "I mean army."

"I ain't much of a joiner…" Kill master replied. "But I'll do anything if it pisses off Lionwhyte. Bring your wounded up here before they die and I'll heal 'em all."

"Alright." I nodded. "Come see us in Bladehenge sometime. Got some new t-shirts coming in. I'll totally hook you up."

"Oh yeah, that reminds me…" Kill Master replied. "Before you go, can I look at your guitar? I'm going to have my little darlings hook you up with some new strings…"

* * *

_**End part 5**_

_**Author's Notes:**_

_**Well, that's it for chapter 5.**_

_**I thought it would be interesting to have the silver spiders talk and the Metal Queen revealed to have been under control of the Tainted Coil until Eddie and Kill Master came looking for her strings.**_

_**Next chapter, Eddie, Kill Master, and Ophelia(now that she's back on her feet) go boar hunting for craft items.**_


End file.
